It's Always Sunny in... Cambodia

I had a great christmas and got to skype with some great people I haven't seen in a while. It's amazing how I can be living in a Cambodian village and be able to talk to people over the internet face to face. There may be a 12 hour time difference separating me from home, but over the holidays I talked to so many people I barely noticed the thousands of miles in between. Many of my fellow volunteers headed to the Gulf of Thialand and the Christmas decorated Phnom Penh, but I decided to stay at my site and spend my first Christmas in Cambodia with Khmer people. I managed to get myself to a party my counterpart was throwing at her house and all of her husband's English students were there drinking coconuts right off the tree and eating bowls of curry... it definitely was different from pumpkin pie and ginger bread cookies, but awesome nonetheless. We played games for a while and danced to some English to Khmer pop music before I headed back to my house the moment darkness started to fall. Riding around my village is not one of the smartest things one could do, seeing as their are blood thirsty dogs that attack at the slightest of movement in the night. I made that mistake once as I decided to ride my bike to my aunt's house and surprise them all with my presence, but on the way over I was chased by two seperate packs of dogs before barely making it into my aunt's yard where they retreated and left me be. I would love to be able to travel around the village when dusk is approaching cause the sky is brilliant shades of pink, orange, and red. Its one of the most beautiful skies I have ever seen and it can only be observed from a few spots in the village due to all the trees. I have been meaning to ride out to the rubber plantation and watch it set over the small ever ending field of trees but like I said... the dogs are currently preventing me from doing such.

Anyways... Christmas was awesome and I found myself in a great mood the entire holiday. It was rough being away from home, seeing my friends over the computer screen and not being able to chill like old times, but that feeling was soon replaced by an ecstatic feeling of joy and appreciation. Several conversations I had with some people were less than enthusiastic about the holiday season and finding this and that to complain about. Not that I have a problem with that cause I did plenty of that while I was in the states. But now, while living in Cambodia, I can reflect on how much I have changed in general and how my personality has changed dramatically from this worry stricken wreck of an individual always fretting over what grades he got, what my friends were doing, why did I do that wrong, and why was life sucking so much to this person who takes things much slower and doesn't worry about the little things in life. I used to constantly worry about everything, causing myself to be high strung and edgy constantly. I put too much importance into little things like letters that would show up on my transcript twice a year and make life one large test that was never ending. My mood suffered and many situations that should not have been such a big deal ended up being blown out of proportion all for some stupid gpa. Not to say grades are meaningless, but to push yourself to the point where depression is setting in and the ones you care about are being hurt, that's going too far. I was like that to the very last day I was in America and everything was about to change for the better once I got on that plane and took that 22 hour flight to Cambodia.

I have been here for 5 months and can say that I am proud and completely stoked about my new outlook on life. While being an American plucked right of college and dropped in a Cambodian village is by no means stress free, the stresses are different and I find myself dealing with them in a completely new way. Many things go awry, meetings get canceled without notice, people seem to never consider others before themselves, I get chased by dogs everyday, spiders the size of my face hide in my bathroom, I can't communicate with people yet to the point where I am doing something productive in the community, and yes... its always hot. But when problems arise I take them one at a time and look at them for what they really are. Yes, it can be very frustrating to the point where I want to throw in the towel when I get waken up at 4am because my dad feels the need to talk on his phone right outside my bedroom door, but I don't let it affect me past those 5 initial minutes of annoyance and simply just go back to bed. When someone doesn't come to a meeting I have scheduled I simply reschedule for another time and hope it works out the next time. When I cant communicate with my health staff on certain conversations and feel incredibly stupid after living and learning about khmer for 5 months I simply think to myself it can only get better and eventually I will come around... just need to study a bit more. The list goes on and on, but when push comes to shove and things are getting frustrating I think to myself I am doing what I can at the moment and I wouldn't be here if things were perfect... what else could I have expected when I signed up for Peace Corps.

I also used to be very dependent on my friends and based my happiness on others which I realize now was completely unhealthy. I would take little things people did and brew over them for ages until I broke down and had it out with whoever did whatever I was upset about. I had several friendships end because of that and almost pushed a few others away because of it. There was a destructive sided of me that was dependent on friendships that I had, but after coming here I realize all of that worrying and bickering over stupid shit was completely pointless. I have the most wonderful family a guy could ask for and my friends are amazing people I am blessed to have. I was so worried before I joined the peace corps that many of my friends would forget me and simply move on in their lives. While that is not going to happen with most, I am completely fine with people moving on and getting on with their lives without me. I am happy to be self reliant and find peace and happiness alone in this Cambodian village. True happiness is not measured by how many friends a person has and what they think of him. Its realizing what you have and being thankful and appreciative for it. I no longer find myself worrying about this and that when it comes to other people and just learn to accept things for what they are. Friends come and friends go... that is life. But family will always be there for you no matter what and I am thankful for being blessed with such an amazing one.

Now to the title... because I really do feel as though it is always sunny in the Bode. I am at a point in my life where I couldn't be happier with the way things are going and what I am experiencing. I have learned to slow life down and take it step by step instead of jump after jump. I look around and soak in the beautiful Cambodian jungle when I stroll through the jungle paths lackadaisically on my way home from the health center. I sit on my porch and just listen to the kids playing, notice the khmer music faintly emanating from the thick barrage of trees that surround my house, and watch villages doing their daily routines that they have been doing for many years. When I walk around my house or wherever I am going, its not at a brisk hurriedly walk, but instead I have learned the art of strolling and taking my time at getting to wherever my destination is. I am fine with simply doing nothing in an afternoon and don't constantly feel the need to be productive every waking moment of my life. I smile at night sometimes when falling asleep.. creepily enough, and find myself constantly in a wonderful mood. I have to constantly pinch and remind myself that I really am here, in Cambodia, working at a health center, in a rural Cambodian village, and about to have the most exciting years of my life ahead of me. This experience has done so much for me already, yet I can only hope to give as much and more back to the community by the end of this 2 year service.

I know life in America is stressful and I hope my friends continue to use me as a source of relief cause I know all too well how helpful it is to just let go of whats been bothering you and get it all out in a large bang! I am just thankful that I have realized how little those little problems are in life and when looking at the big picture, I have alot to be thankful for and continue to be amazed at how lucky I am to have such an amazing set of family and friends while sitting here in my hut in the middle of the Cambodian jungle. Cambodia is definitely sunny today, and I am predicting it will be sunny for the remainder of my years here. Sure there will be clouds, downpours, bursts of lightening and thunder, but the lightening always stops, the rain always ends, and the sky will always part and give way to a brilliant Cambodian sun.