It's Always Sunny in... Cambodia

I had a great christmas and got to skype with some great people I haven't seen in a while. It's amazing how I can be living in a Cambodian village and be able to talk to people over the internet face to face. There may be a 12 hour time difference separating me from home, but over the holidays I talked to so many people I barely noticed the thousands of miles in between. Many of my fellow volunteers headed to the Gulf of Thialand and the Christmas decorated Phnom Penh, but I decided to stay at my site and spend my first Christmas in Cambodia with Khmer people. I managed to get myself to a party my counterpart was throwing at her house and all of her husband's English students were there drinking coconuts right off the tree and eating bowls of curry... it definitely was different from pumpkin pie and ginger bread cookies, but awesome nonetheless. We played games for a while and danced to some English to Khmer pop music before I headed back to my house the moment darkness started to fall. Riding around my village is not one of the smartest things one could do, seeing as their are blood thirsty dogs that attack at the slightest of movement in the night. I made that mistake once as I decided to ride my bike to my aunt's house and surprise them all with my presence, but on the way over I was chased by two seperate packs of dogs before barely making it into my aunt's yard where they retreated and left me be. I would love to be able to travel around the village when dusk is approaching cause the sky is brilliant shades of pink, orange, and red. Its one of the most beautiful skies I have ever seen and it can only be observed from a few spots in the village due to all the trees. I have been meaning to ride out to the rubber plantation and watch it set over the small ever ending field of trees but like I said... the dogs are currently preventing me from doing such.

Anyways... Christmas was awesome and I found myself in a great mood the entire holiday. It was rough being away from home, seeing my friends over the computer screen and not being able to chill like old times, but that feeling was soon replaced by an ecstatic feeling of joy and appreciation. Several conversations I had with some people were less than enthusiastic about the holiday season and finding this and that to complain about. Not that I have a problem with that cause I did plenty of that while I was in the states. But now, while living in Cambodia, I can reflect on how much I have changed in general and how my personality has changed dramatically from this worry stricken wreck of an individual always fretting over what grades he got, what my friends were doing, why did I do that wrong, and why was life sucking so much to this person who takes things much slower and doesn't worry about the little things in life. I used to constantly worry about everything, causing myself to be high strung and edgy constantly. I put too much importance into little things like letters that would show up on my transcript twice a year and make life one large test that was never ending. My mood suffered and many situations that should not have been such a big deal ended up being blown out of proportion all for some stupid gpa. Not to say grades are meaningless, but to push yourself to the point where depression is setting in and the ones you care about are being hurt, that's going too far. I was like that to the very last day I was in America and everything was about to change for the better once I got on that plane and took that 22 hour flight to Cambodia.

I have been here for 5 months and can say that I am proud and completely stoked about my new outlook on life. While being an American plucked right of college and dropped in a Cambodian village is by no means stress free, the stresses are different and I find myself dealing with them in a completely new way. Many things go awry, meetings get canceled without notice, people seem to never consider others before themselves, I get chased by dogs everyday, spiders the size of my face hide in my bathroom, I can't communicate with people yet to the point where I am doing something productive in the community, and yes... its always hot. But when problems arise I take them one at a time and look at them for what they really are. Yes, it can be very frustrating to the point where I want to throw in the towel when I get waken up at 4am because my dad feels the need to talk on his phone right outside my bedroom door, but I don't let it affect me past those 5 initial minutes of annoyance and simply just go back to bed. When someone doesn't come to a meeting I have scheduled I simply reschedule for another time and hope it works out the next time. When I cant communicate with my health staff on certain conversations and feel incredibly stupid after living and learning about khmer for 5 months I simply think to myself it can only get better and eventually I will come around... just need to study a bit more. The list goes on and on, but when push comes to shove and things are getting frustrating I think to myself I am doing what I can at the moment and I wouldn't be here if things were perfect... what else could I have expected when I signed up for Peace Corps.

I also used to be very dependent on my friends and based my happiness on others which I realize now was completely unhealthy. I would take little things people did and brew over them for ages until I broke down and had it out with whoever did whatever I was upset about. I had several friendships end because of that and almost pushed a few others away because of it. There was a destructive sided of me that was dependent on friendships that I had, but after coming here I realize all of that worrying and bickering over stupid shit was completely pointless. I have the most wonderful family a guy could ask for and my friends are amazing people I am blessed to have. I was so worried before I joined the peace corps that many of my friends would forget me and simply move on in their lives. While that is not going to happen with most, I am completely fine with people moving on and getting on with their lives without me. I am happy to be self reliant and find peace and happiness alone in this Cambodian village. True happiness is not measured by how many friends a person has and what they think of him. Its realizing what you have and being thankful and appreciative for it. I no longer find myself worrying about this and that when it comes to other people and just learn to accept things for what they are. Friends come and friends go... that is life. But family will always be there for you no matter what and I am thankful for being blessed with such an amazing one.

Now to the title... because I really do feel as though it is always sunny in the Bode. I am at a point in my life where I couldn't be happier with the way things are going and what I am experiencing. I have learned to slow life down and take it step by step instead of jump after jump. I look around and soak in the beautiful Cambodian jungle when I stroll through the jungle paths lackadaisically on my way home from the health center. I sit on my porch and just listen to the kids playing, notice the khmer music faintly emanating from the thick barrage of trees that surround my house, and watch villages doing their daily routines that they have been doing for many years. When I walk around my house or wherever I am going, its not at a brisk hurriedly walk, but instead I have learned the art of strolling and taking my time at getting to wherever my destination is. I am fine with simply doing nothing in an afternoon and don't constantly feel the need to be productive every waking moment of my life. I smile at night sometimes when falling asleep.. creepily enough, and find myself constantly in a wonderful mood. I have to constantly pinch and remind myself that I really am here, in Cambodia, working at a health center, in a rural Cambodian village, and about to have the most exciting years of my life ahead of me. This experience has done so much for me already, yet I can only hope to give as much and more back to the community by the end of this 2 year service.

I know life in America is stressful and I hope my friends continue to use me as a source of relief cause I know all too well how helpful it is to just let go of whats been bothering you and get it all out in a large bang! I am just thankful that I have realized how little those little problems are in life and when looking at the big picture, I have alot to be thankful for and continue to be amazed at how lucky I am to have such an amazing set of family and friends while sitting here in my hut in the middle of the Cambodian jungle. Cambodia is definitely sunny today, and I am predicting it will be sunny for the remainder of my years here. Sure there will be clouds, downpours, bursts of lightening and thunder, but the lightening always stops, the rain always ends, and the sky will always part and give way to a brilliant Cambodian sun.

Holiday Spirit, Funerals, and Everything in Between

So much has happened in the past 20 days since my last blog and i dont even know where to start. My schedule has suddenly exploded and I find myself busy everyday. In the beginning I was a never ending state of boredom with my lack of khmer skills and absolutely no direction in the health center. Things were bleak for a while and I was in a crappy mood. Over the past month I find that completely nonexistent as I am running from here and there and studying this and that. What I used to be aggravated with has now become part of daily life, although new frustrations continue to pop up from time to time. In the past I used to worry about dogs and being bitten with rabbis ridden teeth and saliva, but now I just take my helmet off and swing away until they scamper back into their compounds... problem solved! Over the past couple of weeks my new aggravation has been the young ones that scatter every household. Sure, they are cute and smaller than some of the cow patties I have seen strewn all over the roads, but their demeanor and lack of sensible respect (for kids their age) is astounding. I know children in America and all over the world cry about many things and throw tantrums left and right, but there is something about these kids that really gets under my skin. I have always loved kids and cant wait to have some of my own, but after being here Im having second thoughts. The ear piercing scream that eminates from kids every fifteen minutes seems all too normal and is treated passively by parents. When a kid doesn't get the food he wants or the marble he wants to play with, an ear drum numbing yell bursts out of the mouth and is simply solved by giving the kid what he wants. There are no consequences or repercussions for their actions... they are taught that if I scream I will get what I want. It is understandable for kids up to 3 years old, but beyond that it gets to be a little ridiculous. As I have written this paragraph in the past 5 minutes there have been 3 outbursts of extreme crying and I can bet it was because one of their siblings had something the kid wanted. Again, I know it happens all over the world, its a simple fact of nature that they don't know any better, but the aggravating part is that the parents know its wrong and do nothing about it. I'm thinking a parenting class is in order for these people... hmmm... secondary project?

So thats my current aggravation. Don't mean to give off an impression that I don't love every minute of life here cause I do! Over the past month I have become extremely integrated into my family, friends, and co-workers. A little after my last blog my grandmother died and the events that were to follow will be with me forever. That was the first time I really felt absolutely part of the family and accepted as one of them. the night before her death my mom thought it would be nice for me to go visit her mom and I don't know how the timing happened the way it did, but thankfully I got to meet her while she was alive. We traveled to my grandparent's house and it was tucked away in the slaw trees that cover my village. It had an expansive backyard and an impressive front structure. The trees around their house were just a tad bit taller than the ones surrounding my house and I immediately got an impression that this house has a long history that includes my mother and her 11 siblings. When I walked in the house the grandmother was laying there in the middle of the living room floor, covered in a blanket up to her curled up hands, with nothing more to her than skin and bone. Her breaths were very labored and she could do nothing but stare up at the ceiling while using every ounce of her strength to breath air into her frail lungs. I asked what was wrong with her and apparently she had old lady disease... not sure what that is but I hope no one I know contracts it. She hasnt been able to talk or move for about 2 years and stopped walking 5 years ago. I couldn't help but to be overtaken by sadness and the sight of such a dilapidated state this women was being allowed to live in. Doctors haven't been able to cure her so basically she was there to live out the rest of her life on that living room floor.

After waking up the next morning I was confronted by my mom and told that her mother had died literally 5 minutes before I woke up... again.... timing. I knew from that moment that the next week was going to be hectic and busy, as Cambodians focus alot of time and energy into these types of occasions. I could already hear the funeral music and it can only be described as a cluster f#%@ of different sounds and screeching. I have been told it is to scare away the ghosts and I can see how that would be affective. It starts at 5 in the morning every other day and doesn't stop till 10 or 11 at night. Funerals are a week long in Cambodia so I definitely hear that sound alot. They attach huge speakers to the top of coconut trees so everyone can hear it. Anyways... that morning I made my way over to my grandparents house were they had already erected the usual colorful tent with white and black drapes. I waited around downstairs with the family, but I was definitely nervous at taking part in something like this. I am not really apart of their family so I didn't want to intrude, but they were very receptive to me being there and were very appreciative of my presence. Finally a line of monks arrived and chanted their way upstairs to the living room. I made my way up there eventually and there was the grandmother lying on the floor just as she had the night before. One thing that took me by suprise, over a dead body laying on the floor, was the crying that was occurring. This country is very secretive over their emotions and do not let tears go in the open. They dont show love, affection, happiness, or sadness often so when I saw my aunts and uncles tearing up over their mother I was taken aback. We sat there for about 2 hours, chanted, bowed, and prayed to buddha that her soul be reincarnated. Incents filled the room and the smoke made my eyes tear. Mini shrines were erected all over the house and fruit lay at the bottom of each of them. Eventually, after lounging around for a while after, they brought the coffin and it was time to put her in. They lifted her up, placed her gently within, and started to tuck her in with blankets and bamboo mats. They were softly crying while doing this and it was the closest I came to crying during the whole ceremony.

The next day it was time for the funeral procession to the wat. They brought her down and placed her in the middle of the yard where monks started chanting again. It was the last time she would be home and I couldn't help but be overcome with emotion. I had to constantly say to myself, I am here, in the middle of the cambodian jungle, attending a funeral so rich in tradition and culture. Eventually we loaded her onto this funeral truck which was ornately decorated with dragons and buddhist symbols. It was the truck that all the dead are driven around in and it definitely showed its years. We had to push it up hills and out of ditches many times and the creaks eminating from its internal machinery made me not even want to stand behind it. But nonetheless we walked in a crowded procession in front and behind the truck. The immediate family walks in the front while the friends and further family walked behind. Behind us walkers were the moto's that puttered along slowly with thick black smoke pouring out their tail pipes. The walk to the wat was unlike anything I have ever experienced. Whenever I walk around the village I am greeted by throngs of kids screaming HELLO, WHATS YOUR NAME, WHERE YOU GO! It can be a tad obnoxious at times cause mostly they have no idea what it means.. they just want to catch the attention of the white giant. But while walking around the village in this procession, nobody screamed hello and simply stared at me and the procession. People stopped what they were doing, ran to their doors and watched us slowly make our way to the pagoda. It was the first time where I noticed cambodians being considerate of others and it put a smile on face. We finally buried her in a stoopa at the wat, unlike most who are cremated. The entire process was unbelievable and I couldn't believe I was apart of it. My family really took me in and I never felt out of place the entire time. The next week was more music and socializing and on the 7th day after her death they had another large gathering. While the music was deafening and I could barely hear myself think, it changed from annoying to understandable. I guess being apart of it and seeing the music actually has meaning to these people made me realize its not so bad and I kind of think it makes Cambodia that much more khmer when I hear it. The whole experience is something I will treasure for a lifetime and I am forever grateful for being allowed to take part in it.

An activity I have really taken a liking to since coming here is biking. I used to only like having a bike here cause it protected me somewhat from the dogs, but me and a friend have struck up a common interest and take full advantage of having huge rolling plains to bike on. I have racked up several hundred miles already and the ticker is still going. There is nothing like biking in between rice fields that go on for as far as the eye can see and riding through very remote villages few to no foreigners have made it out to. Last weekend I made it out to an island in the middle of the Mekong River that was accessible only by bamboo bridge. Getting there was awesome, but the ride around the island was breathtaking. I have seen my share of beautiful rice fields and Wats, but they never get old. I soak up the sights, sounds, and smells everytime and think to myself at how awesome this experience is. I like to think to myself I have seen the real Kampuchea and mostly because I chose to get my feet wet and bike all around this beautiful country.

Besides the bike rides I have been crazy busy with other things. I am trying to get health lessons going in the school system and have approached school directors about possibly teaching a health class or two. The ones I have talked to were not very pleasant individuals and are clearly very power hungry. Once people have power here they don't like to give it up and he seemed very wary of me, regardless of the fact that my site was a training site and 18 other peace corps volunteers already taught in the school. Anyways... he said he would have to check with the ministry of education so an answer is coming in a month or two I guess. The school system here teaches absolutely no health and if I can get in there and help a teacher teach health for a day then that could go far and wide. Teaching teachers is so much more affective cause they are the ones who will be here after I am gone. If I can get them to integrate health into their curriculum then that would make this whole thing much more worth while. We will see where that path leads.

I am also trying to get a village health volunteer training program started. I want to train kids to teach health so when I am gone, again, I will have someone who is following through with my work. I have been going to schools every night at 5pm and meeting with kids to get my face out there and get them over that initial fear and apprehension most have when meeting a foreigner like me. I have struck up many relationships and many kids all over the village know me. Now I am starting to advertise this program I am trying to get started and I am selling it as a great opportunity to learn English and practice with a true English speaking native. Kids want to learn English, not health, but if I can get them into it with the prospects of invaluable practice and a certificate in the end then maybe some will continue to teach health to others. I also need someone to help me translate khmer cause I am definitely not at the level I need to be to go out and do things on my own. Not only would these kids be able to help me talk to people about hand washing, diarrhea prevention, cold prevention, but they would be learning about health and how to teach it. I start interviews next week so lets hope things really get going soon. For now I am riding around the villages trying to map out the different areas of need. Once that is done I will be able to go out there with the kids and talk health with some villagers. I am making some illustrations so I have posters to work with when I go out there... I guess these artistic skills will finally come into use!

The last major project I have been trying to implement is a number system at the health center. There are many other things wrong with the way the health center is run, but for now I am focusing on organizing the throngs of people that come in through that door every morning. As of now, they come in and crowd around the consultation desk and push and shove until they are seen be the doctor. The doctor who is prescribing drugs is surrounded by patients and there is simply no order to handing out prescriptions. People could be waiting for over an hour when someone who is in a rush barges to the front and gets his or her prescription. Its the same for the anti-natal care room and vaccination room. Its unfair and things are going to change. I have been creating cards for people to pick up at the entrance when they come in and posters that describe what they are to do. I would hand them out myself, but again I need it to last once I am not here so hopefully everyone is on board when I finally start it up. I'm thinking by the end of two years the doctors will actually call out the next number and patients are used to picking up their numbers when they walk it. Also... having a number system will eliminate their fear of loosing their place in line and allow me to pull them aside for a moment or two and talk health with them. Currently they are in too much of a rush to get to the doctor cause they don't want others to get in front of them so they pay no attention to me, other than the kids that scream at the sight of my white foreign face.

Life is good in Cambodia and Christmas is in the air... well... in my room it is. I have always been one to cherish the holidays and being here has been rather hard to endure while all my family and friends are at home enjoying the hot chocolate and pumpkin pie. I have nasty well water that smells like a sewer and yes... lots of rice so needless to say I miss home right about now. I have been expecting this so I am prepared for a tough couple of days ahead of me. I just got a load of girl scout cookies from Lori, Randy, Kyle, Chris, and Zac and I want give a LARGE THANK YOU!!!! I now have something to chow down on while I spend my christmas in the 90 degree heat in Cambodia. I can't begin to say how much I appreciate you all for those notes and cookies... really makes my day! And that goes for everyone who sends me packages. The little things just really brighten my day and when I get package from America I can't help but smile. Love you all and hope all is going well in America! Merry Christmas everyone and I hope your holidays are full of awesomeness!

About Face...

Had such an awesome Thanksgiving with some pretty amazing peace corps volunteers. The whole lot of them are great people to be around and the holiday couldn't have been better spent! Thanksgiving thursday was spent in our provincial town and those of us from the province that were around managed to scramble up some American food like cheesy brocolli rice, garlic butter mashed potatoes, and bread pudding. We stuffed ourselves and conversed afterwards... which included the story of Thanksgiving for the several Khmer people in the room. The night was a blast and the next day we had the pleasure of riding on a 7 hour bus to Cambodia's second largest city. After arriving, all the volunteers convened in a large hall and ate one of the most delicious Thanksgiving dinner I have eaten in my 22 years of life. Whether or not it was because I have been eating rice and beef for the past 4 months, the turkey was seasoned to perfection, mashed potatoes seemed to come from a restaurant in the States, and the deserts were taste bud numbing. My stomach was smiling just as much as my lips were and for the first time in a while I was so full I could barely breath. The dinner was full of conversation and catching up, and I have to admit.. I missed everyone!

The dinner was followed by one of the most comfortable nights I have had in Cambodia, with my soft and comfy bed and air conditioner turned on blast. The next couple days were filled with meetings on how we are all progressing as peace corps volunteers and it was good to hear everyone's suggestions on how to get things rolling. I had a blast talking with friends and staff, and the nights out on the town became the icing on the cake. The last night was a little hazy... i'll just leave it at that haha. The bus ride home was a tad scary due to the accident that happened half way home (i was not involved in it). We passed two cars, one which was crashed severely on the front and side, and the other which was split in half and mangled into very small pieces of horror. A tarp covered the section that was supposedly the drivers seat... and the reality sunk in that these roads are extremely dangerous. Drivers simply do not look before they enter onto a roadway, and when combined with selfish and oblivious drivers that speed dangerously fast makes a good recipe for tragic accidents.

Besides that downer, I whole heartedly enjoyed my time with around 50 other friends and was ready to hit the village streets and start working. I don't know what flipped the switch but my level of motivation and happiness increased ten fold. When people say hi to me or stare at me... I don't get annoyed or feel singled out. Instead I am starting to stop and talk to people and make an effort to get to know the people of my community. I ride around with a smile and now I am the one saying HELLO and SUSADYE! In the health center I got out from behind the table I set up in the lobby with all my health materials displayed on it and am actively talking to people about their health. I don't know a whole lot of Khmer yet when it comes to health terms, but I am definitely on my way. Things are just becoming so much easier, from my village, to my work environment, and even to my home! I have so many ideas on projects to work on, kids to teach, and areas to focus on. I want to try and start teaching kids about health in the local school and tomorrow I am meeting with the school director to see where I can go with that. Friday I may meet with the village chief and discuss ways about conducting a household survey of the community on sanitation and nutrition. I am in the process of mapping out my community and during my hours at the health center I am going to start showing videos on health care topics peace corps recently gave out. I have a bunch of ideas going on in my head and now it is time to make them become a reality. They are nothing groundbreaking, but they are a chance for me to get my feet wet and start doing what I came here for.

Times are going to start getting rather busy and to be truthful I think I am ready for it. Before the IST I was wanting to do more, but content with my daily routine of being somewhat lazy. Now I am ready to get out there and my motivation is skyrocketing me towards accomplishing goals. Maybe I need more weekends like that last one... hmmm.

continuation of the tragedy

So another day has passed and I find myself contemplating how similar AND different this culture deals with tragedy when compared to the United States. I first noticed the somber mood of everybody and the traditions that arise during times of nation wide sorrow, but on an individual basis I am seeing how awkward the subject is to talk about. The stampede that took place was without a doubt a horrible thing that people are clearly disturbed from, but certain reactions elicited are starting to surprise me.

When conversing with another Khmer about the stampede they will many times start smiling or laughing at certain things one should not laugh at. When I was discussing 9/11 with my tutor he would giggle when describing planes crashing into buildings and thousands of people dying. Yesterday when my family was discussing the stampede they were taunting ans laughing at me when I was acting so serious. They kept on asking me if I wanted to go see it and would always start snickering. The gravity of such a major event is completely sucked out of the room and they seem to either be oblivious to the enormity of it or simply laugh it off cause they don't know how to express deep sorrow and sadness. Throughout my time here... I am leaning towards the latter.

When people talk about anything serious they will talk with a sense of humor and immaturely giggle. It doesn't feel like they are doing this to make the situation lighter, but it truly seems they don't know how to properly express that human emotion. It is almost awkward because it is almost always something I would never laugh at and there way of bridging our differences in reactions. When I ask them something they don't know, they almost always will giggle like a child instead of expressing their true emotions and thoughts. Giggling and ignoring the serious of a situation is how this culture copes with stress and turmoil, and it is something I definitely cannot comprehend. The people of Cambodia know something horrific happened and they are doing things similar to America when it comes to donating money to disaster relief funds, holding ceremonies to honor the dead, and even changing their facebook profile pics to some honorable image the day they will seemingly never forget. But in essence they are very different on a person to person basis when it comes to personal conversation about the stampede. I guess this is just another difference I will write off as a cultural "thing".

tragedy: from one nation to another

I can all too well remember the morning of 9/11, waking to the horrors unfolding on the television that sunny tuesday afternoon. There's nothing that can prepare you for such a tragedy and they come at the most unexpected of times. Seeing a nation cope with loss and sadness is something we all have witnessed time and time again. Unfortunately our generation is used to tragic events in the news and how we as a nation have responded to these times of sorrow never fails to bring out emotions in me and others that don't normally arise during day to day life. After 9/11 our nation was frozen with fear and sadness, but united in determination and patriotism. People came together to mourn for the dead as we typically do in the states, had candlelight vigils after candlelight vigils, and sang patriotic songs. We reflect on the events that transpired and the lives of those that were lost until there are no more tears to cry. Coming to Cambodia the thought never crossed my mind that I would see something like this unfold in the Khmer people. Last night, a tragedy struck the country of Cambodia and I have had the opportunity to see a culture so foreign to mine react just as we do in America, with their own unique twists thrown in here and there.

Last night at around 10pm there was a concert letting out across the river in phnom penh due to the end of the 3 day Khmer Water Festival. Its a time where people celebrate the end of the monsoon season and the mood in Cambodia is one of delight and happiness. As people were enjoying the festive mood they started traveling in hords across this narrow bridge when the opposing hord of people going across in the opposite direction met in the center and caused a mass of people with nowhere to go. Those in the center fainted causing a panic which was further escalated by the bridge apparently swaying and police using measures to force people to move. The crowd went crazy and people started stampeding in an effort to clear the bridge. With nowhere to go they climbed over others, trampling those under their feet to death, jumped in the river even though most in this country do not know how to swim, and grabbed electrical wiring strung all over the bridge which led to many being electrocuted to death. A wall of people formed anywhere from 5-7 feet high, laying on top of each other more tightly packed than a can of sardines. The images are absolutely horrible and in the end 376 people lost their lives, injuring many many more.

The thing about Cambodia is that most families have someone living in the city. The country itself is no bigger than the state of South Dakota so it is relatively small in size. Most have sons or daughters that study in the city and/or brothers or sisters who went to the city for a better life. So when something like this happens, everyone in the country feels affected and saddened by such a tragic event. My family knew around 2am last night, with many other pcv's telling me the same. By morning the whole country knew of this horrible loss of life and Cambodia stopped for a day as it did in America that tuesday morning in 2001. My health center canceled work to my dismay, and people crowded around their television sets. I managed to find a food stall with a group of people sitting in front of a television watching the news and the images displayed were unbelievable. There's no censorship here so they felt it was appropriate to show rooms and rooms of dead people sprawled out on the floor. These people who were enjoying a concert not 5 minutes before being trampled to death or electrocuted were laying there in their phnom penh style clothes motionless with grieving family members crying hysterically over them. I could only stand so much of that sadness that I left after a while, but the images are very haunting and continue to plague my mind.

The rest of the day was devoted to talking about what had transpired. Me and my family would discuss how lucky we are my brother was not there, how many people died, where they came from, ect... The day was eery; people gave off this impression that something bad has just happened and there was a certain subdued nature in the way Cambodians ran life in the village today. At night, people created buddhist shrines in front of there houses and as the sun set, each hut had a shrine devoted to the dead of the night before. At around 7pm everyone came outside to beat on drums for about 25 minutes and from what I gather it was to scare away the ghosts that would surely be roaming the streets. Neighbors gathered to discuss the tragedy, conversing around their shrines. I stood on my porch watching the candle lights flicker through the palm trees, absorbing the quietness this night in particular presented.

As they do in America, people in Cambodia mourn for the dead by coming together and uniting as one. Families, Neighbors, and entire communities are brought together by the unimaginable. People gather around televisions to watch over and over replays of something they wish would have never happened in the first place. Vigils are dedicated to the lives lost and people find solace in their offerings. As interesting as it is to see a nation cope with a tragic loss, I cannot help but feel sad as I would anything other time that many families are having to deal with the unimaginable loss of a loved one over such a senseless event. No matter where you are in the world, tragedies happen and the people who are affected react in a way that is unique not to their culture or country of residence, but to their origins as human beings that have undergone a tragic event.

The People Who Make Kampuchea

There are a variety of people that surround me every day when i'm not cooped up in my room for the remainder of the day. These people make the highs and the lows, they are sources of happiness and frustration, and they are shaping this experience one by one. Here's a look into some of my daily encounters.

The day starts out in the market and depending on my money situation and what I'm feeling for a tasty breakfast the crowd varies. Sometimes I get a dragon fruit and sit on my host mothers stand while peeling away its pink skin to reveal a sweat juicy center full of tiny black seeds. My mom sells nom in the morning with her sister and it is this sweet gelatinous rice snack that always satisfies my sweet spot. While sitting there eating my fruit I will converse with my mom or her sisters always about how much I pay for my breakfast or where I got it... even though the answers never change. The ladies selling around my mothers stand all sell fruit and vegetables and always smile at me as I sit there. The ones with kids will point me out and anything that gets my mom laughing will surely get them laughing also. Anything I say is thought of as funny and I just have learned to go along with it and take their warmness and humor in stride.

When I have a little more money to spend I will head over to my Yay and get a bowl of fried noodles. This lady is basically the boss of all the food venders in the market mainly due to her age and status as a Yay. A Yay is an older lady that has short hair and lives at the local Wat. They are devout Buddhists and will wear this white shirt and sampot most of the time. Anything I could want she will get for me somehow. Shes not the best talker, but always welcoming and I feel good when in her presence. The trainees before me always went to her stand to eat so she and the people around her are used to my white complexion. I tend to get less stares at her stand.. even though they are always present by one or two people who feel the need to look at me like an alien. The lady next to her stand sells these beef and bean sprout filled crepes with a sweet sugar sauce and even though she laughs at everything that comes out of my mouth from the hello to the thank you's... she is kind and I always enjoy spending my 15 minutes eating breakfast in her presence.

After breakfast its off to the health center where the crowd I am confronted with differs on a day to day basis. The staff are getting very used to my presence and always make me feel welcomed. There is a male nurse that always treats me like I'm annoying mostly cause I don't know the language yet and don't do a whole lot during my working hours, but I'm sure he will eventually warm up as I get better with Khmer... right? The pharmacist is the lady who I spend a great deal of time around. She is an older lady (old enough to be a Yay) and she doesn't speak much to me, but her reiterations of everything I say always make me laugh. We just laugh for no reason sometimes... I just go along with it. When I learn a new word and blurt it out she will always repeat it and follow it with a laugh.. but she is not laughing at me, shes laughing with me.

My counterpart is the one I spend the most time with, even though I don't station myself in her room, being that she mostly works in the anti-natal care room checking pregnant mothers. She is the head honcho nurse due to her loud and HUGE personality. Everything she says she will say loud and proud. Everyone in the health center can hear every conversation she has... quite funny. I never understand what she is saying cause she speaks very fast and the volume of her voice obscures the slight fluctuations and tonal differences I need to comprehend the language. We always find a way to get our point across to each other and there is always an exchange of a friendly yet hard slap on the arms. Many of our conversations revolve around the topic of money. It gets overwhelming at times and there are instances where I simply do not want to talk about their financial difficulties over and over again. Everything in Cambodia revolves around money and the people here never miss a chance to tell me how hard it is here and how easy it is in America.Many times she will bring up her income and how much it costs to send her children to school. Again I just go along with it and try to clear up the misconceptions about how "easy" she thinks life in America is. They know that banks give us loans in America, something they are not afforded with, but they a.) dont understand how expensive college is in America b.)that money has to be paid back over many years which sucks and c.)banks dont always give out loans. This was actually our conversation today, but it has played out many times between her, her husband, and me. Other than that she is always treating me like one of her kids. She never fails to feed me food, always invites me over to her house, and invites me to go along with her family on trips. I am probably closer to her than I am my host mom.. not to say that my host mom isn't great, but my counterpart is just so much fun to be around.

The other nurses are also great to be around. They are younger and can handle the stresses of the health center. They always try to start conversations with me which I appreciate greatly. Since my job is still kind of unknown in the health center, they could have either treated me as a nuisance and tossed me aside or helped me through this difficult period. I'm not sure whether or not they understand how hard it is for me to be doing this "job" but they treat me with kindness and respect. We always have conversations that contain many bits of laughter and humor and I already feel like one of the staff. My health center director, when I see him, is also a wonderful person. Sometimes he brings me into his office just to sit there and watch him work. I'm not sure why he does that, but hes always fun to be around. He's a younger man that is truly kind hearted. I never have any problems with him or the rest of the staff (besides the male nurse) and am looking forward to the next two years with them.

The rest of the day is spent mostly at home. Meal times are my family hours and they are pretty much the only hanging out time I end up having with my mom and dad. I can usually communicate anything I want with them and we always can get our points across eventually. My mom is always jolly and laughs during any conversation we have. The simplest of things she thinks are hilarious, which I don't always get but again I just go with the flow. My mom is another person who brings up money. ANYTHING I buy or she suspects I buy she will quiz me on the price and where I got it. Even if its always the same answer, she has to know prices. I'm pretty sure she has asked me how much everything I own cost in the states. I always say I don't know cause giving her the prices will make me sound rich and make me look like I have money.. which I don't. I used to get very annoyed by all the money questions, but now I think it is just something to talk about. She likes to point out how much money Cambodia doesnt have and again I try to right the misconceptions. My dad and I don't really have that many conversations, but my frustrations with him are the greatest at times. He never fails to ask where I am going, when I will be back, who I am going with, and what I will be doing. When my mom gets a chance she will also ask that barrage of questions, but my dad and I will mostly talk just about that except when he brings out the electric bill and points out how much electricity I am using. I was very annoyed with my parents for a good month but we have hit a turning point and I am starting to really enjoy and understand them.

My language tutor is the only source of English I get in my village and that is 3 times a week. He is a very nice man that is helping me out a ton with this rather difficult learning process. Since he speaks very good English he is the main source of misconceptions I run into. Almost every lesson I end up pointing out many rumors or false accusations passed down in Cambodian rumor. Today I corrected him on how dating, relationship building, and marriage is conducted throughout the rest of the world. Premarital sex is taboo here and there is not really such a thing as dating; something completely opposite to that of America. The parents are the sole decider on who marries their son or daughter, something he found no problem in. I tried to explain how marriage in the states is something of love and loyalty between the couple in the relationship, not something the parents control. He also thought that the rocks in mount everest make planes crash because it acts like a magnet and any fruit coming from other countries is automatically bad cause they use "chemicals" to grow and enlarge them. I enjoy telling him my view on things with the hope that he will spread these words to his students. He is probably the most respected English teacher in my village so his words go far and wide through his classroom and students. I always enjoy chatting with him and think of him more as a friend than teacher. My status as a white person from America automatically puts me on equal terms with everyone so the friendship status is much easier to attain than that of teacher / student.

At night around 5pm I head over to my counterparts house where I help her husband teach English to a group of kids out of his garage. These kids act as my home base and provide me with a sense of normality and balance throughout my stressful and crazy days. They know a good bit of English and are always so much fun to be around. They are very warm and welcoming and put on a much more mature front than teenagers of their age in America tend to put on. I don't do a whole lot there but being in the company of them always puts me in a good mood. My counterparts family will always bring out food for me to eat and she knows how to cook damn well. The husband knows a good bit of English also and I always find it a pleasurable experience to talk with him. He is a gentle person in character and just one look at him automatically shows kindheartedness and a loving personality.

So those are the people who provide the main points of excitement throughout most of my days. There are others I see occasionally and of course I am meeting new people every single day. The patients I meet in the health center provide all the new encounters I can handle at moment. There is no lack of stares and points during my morning working hours, but they are always kind and nice to strike up conversations with. I don't really talk to a whole lot of them because the atmosphere is so chaotic, but there are some kids I have found an absolute pleasure to play which leads into conversations with their parents.

Without forgetting, I couldn't make it through this without the other peace corps volunteers which are either a phone call or bike ride away. Me and a friend have really taken up the sport of bike riding and have biked a couple hundred kilometers in the past couple weeks. Im planning trips with many of them and they are always a source of venting and reality in this very unreal and strange world.

A Khmer Wedding

The last couple of weeks were hard, but had some pretty memorable moments. Last weekend I managed to complete an 80km bike ride in a day and I wont soon forget the pain that resided in my ass afterwords.. bike seat cushions aren't all they are cracked up to be! The ride nonetheless was awesome and the views were stunning. We started in Kampong Cham town and biked our way to this abandoned air strip from the 70's located just north of the city. Just getting there was an adventure and under the direction of Stu we made it there in about 30 min. He somehow navigated his way there by himself once and it is beyond me how he accomplished that cause there was a cluster of turns and windy trails I could never have found myself navigating alone. Yet, we made it there and once at the airstrip we explored this old abandoned military bunker on top of a hill overlooking the runway. The view from atop this small hill was breathtaking for the mere fact any elevated position in this country offers views for as long as the eye can see due to the extreme flatness of the landscape. The sun was particularly brutal this day and the haze was definitely present, but regardless I could see palm trees for miles and miles surrounded by rice patty fields and cambodian homes. Cattle dotted the fields here and there and there were motos going from here to there on the jungle paths leading up to the air strip. One of the most striking things I noticed was the lack of noise. Cambodia is a very loud country with speakers blasting, motos constantly buzzing by, and dogs barking at absolutely nothing, but on top of this hill there was simply the landscape spread out in front of us and a gentle breeze blowing hot air onto my already sweaty face. After exploring the building we went on this "loop" that took about 4 hours. This loop I thought was going to be a short 10k around some rice patty fields, but o how I was wrong. We ended up going in and out of very rural villages, up and down jungle paths that had never seen the likes of somebody like me and Stu, and through fields that offered little to no protection from the sun. It was a true adventure and I couldn't have been in a better place at a better time that right there biking my way through the maze of paths and roads. Stu knew where he was going so I simply followed and enjoyed the scenery which was definitely a sight to see. Many of the villagers would come out of there homes and stare as we rode by, just to catch a glimpse of a "berong" and scream "hello" as loud as they can. Children would stop what they were doing and come to there gates just to stare... just as they do all over this country. All it takes is a simple hello from me to ease their fears and reassure them that I'm nobody to be afraid of, as they too readily assume due to my appearance. The sun was even more unforgiven than earlier in the day and lets just say I ended up 10 shades darker than when I started. The fields we went in and out of were impressive from one to the next and never became boring to the eyes. Rice patty fields are gigantic in Cambodia due to the extreme presence of illegal logging throughout the country. There are just hundreds and hundreds of acres per field and they go on for miles at a time. It never ceases to amaze me at how amazing rice patty fields dotted with coconut trees are. We managed to stop at a food stand for lunch and the generosity of the people took me by suprise. We asked to sit on one of their tables that they had perched outside, but instead they lead us to the middle of their living room, laid out bamboo mats, and gave us mugs to drink out of. We had an audience of people watching the "berongs" eat but that no longer bothers me, seeing as every time I do anything its to an audience that watched my every step. The lunch of baguette bread with chunky peanut butter and fresh bananas never fails to satisfy even the hungriest of stomachs and soon enough we were off again for another 3 hours till we made our way back to the city of kg. ch. Once finished we grabbed a coconut shake from this western restaurant and marveled at the adventure of the day, savoring every drop of that cold and delicious milkshake at the same time. Its nice to know I'm going to the base camp of Mount Everest with this guy... he knows what hes doing and is fun to travel with. Thats a whole new adventure that will take place in a year and half so I'll save that story for when the time comes to tell it! afterwords I had to make my way back to my village is another 20km away from the town so all in all it was a pretty tiring and sunny day I would love to experience again!

Yesterday I was greeted to the wonderful occasion of a khmer wedding and I the whole thing was definitely a new experience I will treasure. One of my health center staff invited me to this party and told me it started at 7 in the morning. I had my doubts on actually getting up to go to a party that early in the morning but regardless I pushed myself out of bed and luckily dressed up nice for the occasion. Once there I noticed the large canopy that is present at any party in Cambodia with its pink roof and colorful drapes. As usual I entered like a king and was greeted by everybody at the party. Parents brought their kids up to see the white guy and many scream and cry in terror as they are not used to somebody who looks like me. Then, after sitting me down in the middle of the yard with everyone else standing around me, they presented me with nom which is cooked rice paste with a coconut and sugar mixture inside... pretty delicious. After sitting and chatting for some time they lead me inside and to my surprise there was a bride and groom getting dressed in traditional khmer wedding attire. I cant even begin to describe what they dress in so google "khmer wedding" if you want a description of clothes worn at these events. Two words that I would use to describe their clothes would be gaudy and sequins haha. They were indeed beautiful once dressed and once complete we went upstairs for the actual ceremony. I found out eventually that the bride was the sister of the health staff who invited me so I guess it wasn't that awkward I was taking part in this right? After chanting and rituals the ceremony was done and I was brought to the front to get my picture with the bride and groom.. the funny thing is that I was the only person who got my picture with them, not even the parents has their pictures taken with them haha. Anyways we were then lead outside to the party and a huge vat of rice pouridge was served to everyone. rice pouridge is a huge dish in Cambodia and can be served with many things. This dish had everything within a chicken inside this pouridge, mixed with bean sprouts, herbs and spices, and lime juice. The whole experience was memorable and just one more that is making this experience that much more enjoyable.

Settling Into the Routine

I managed to purchase an internet phone so for the next two years I will have internet several times a week right here in my room! I've been at my site for a month already and time has flown by faster than I could have ever imagined. My day starts off bright and early with the barking of crazy dogs and the wailing of my neighbor's infant. After a quickly getting ready I head off to the market where I either partake in a variety of foods ranging from a simple dragon fruit, to a delicious beef/bean sprout filled crepe, to a bowl of steaming fried noodles served with a side of egg. The market is bustling anywhere from 6am to noon and is THE place to buy fish freshly gutted and swimming around in a pot not 2 minutes before they get the butcher knife, meat of all sorts hanging on hooks surrounded by a cloud of flies, pickled and fresh vegetable sitting in buckets of brine, fresh fruits that American grocery stores only dream of, and of course food stands that serve pretty awesome breakfast with coffee (on ice). After sitting with my mom on her food stand where sells this sweet rice desert, I head to the health center where my day really starts.

As of now, my job at the health center has been slow and somewhat dull. Since starting 4 weeks ago I have only managed to sit at every service offered by the health center which are vaccinations, pre/post natal care, pharmacy, and consultation. I saw a couple infections popped and drained which is actually very painful because they use no anesthesia here, and I also managed to see a mother give birth from the hallway! Sitting in vaccination consists of watching mothers breast feed, infants recieving injections, and infants screaming afterwards. The pharmacy has shelving on which several kinds of medicines sit before being dispensed like candy on Halloween. After obtaining a prescription from consultation they will hover over to the pharmacy and push and shove until they are given a bag containing 3-5 different kinds of pills... with no markings or directions on how to take them. Consultation is actually quite interesting because all the sick have to travel through this station to receive services. They will describe either having a headache, cold, or fever and are quickly given a sheet of paper with a list of drugs to take. This is what I have been occupying my time with over the last month and on the times where patients are filtering out I tend to break out the Khmer notes and study language because I definitely have a ways to go before I can speak fluently with the locals.

It's not that this stuff does not interest me, but I feel as though I should be doing so much while out here and since arriving I have only managed to observe and study khmer. I went one week on an outreach service my health center conducts for half the month where they travel to a surrounding village and administer injections to those who can either not get to the health center or are too poor to afford services. That was very interesting to say the least and I wish I did more of that, but I have not been doing anything substantial in the health education field. Many of my fellow health volunteers are feeling the same way, but I am guessing thats the way it is going to have to be for the next couple months. We don't know nearly enough language to go out and create a health club of some sort, we don't know the true needs of the community because we are confined to the health center due to our lack of language, and this program has never been attempted before in this country so how are we supposed to know what to do, when to do it, and where it is to be done at. As for now, I will go to the health center in the mornings and try to start SOMETHING... I guess I will have to try and convince myself that that is all I can do at the moment and projects will come as time passes.

After work at the health center I bike on home for a lunch of rice and some sort of meet and vegetable pulled from the ground. The food is becoming second nature to me and the large amounts of rice are something I kind of look forward to when pondering about the upcoming meal. My mom has been making large amounts of food for lunch so she just has to heat up the left overs for dinner... so variety is not a gift I granted in food selection. Then, if its rainy or a workout day I will turn on some itunes and lift with my one dumbbell I bought in the capital. Its amazing how many exercises one can do with a simple dumbbell and nothing else to accompany it with. Then I either fill my time with movies/tv shows/music or I take bike rides through the many trails offered by my village and the surrounding area (weather permitting). There are some amazing trails through the rubber trees and whenever I am feeling upset or frustrated I take a long ride through the rubber plantation and any reserves I may have previously had are gone! Today for instance I rode through the miles upon miles of rubber trees, crisscrossing in and out of rows and rows of trees which differ in height from batch to batch. While riding through them it eerily reminds me of a forest found in America... the air is cool and the harsh sun rays only penetrate where there is an opening in the canopy. I rode and rode until I reached the top of this incline and fyi any incline gives breathtaking views of Cambodia due to the flatness of the landscape. Once up there I could see for miles the rolling plains of the rubber tree tops, palm trees sprinkled throughout the land, and farms which stretched on forever. The mist was reflecting the golden sun and I could only describe it purely as Cambodia. There was a slight breeze and the noise from everyday life was absent. All I could think to myself is that I definitely could uproot my shack of a home and plop it right there without hesitation. Rides like these make living here that much more awesome!

So strolling throughout the village on my bike also gives me an opportunity to make myself known. Part of my job is to get these people to trust me and the only way that is going to happen at first is to get my face out there so when it eventually comes time for me to educate they will be receptive to learning from a friendly face instead of hesitant to learn from a stranger. Whenever I pass ANYBODY i'm always greeted by a hello! or susadi! They are all too eager to drop whatever they are doing to run to the edge of the road and scream a greetings my way. At first the constant barrage of hellos gets annoying, but these people are never going to be able to say hello to another american again so why not let them get it out of their system! After that I make it over to my food stall where I get this lime tea... freshly prepared with awesome limes and loads of sugar. The owner knows a very minute amount of English so I can sit there and speak English with atleast somebody throughout my day. After finishing my tea I sometimes will head over to my counterpart's house where her husband teaches english to a group of teenagers. They have gotten to know me and I have taken a liking to them all so visiting the class and helping teach english always puts a smile on my face. By now its dinner time and I navigate the jungle trails with barely enough light to make it home for my meal of leftovers. Sometimes my mom likes to eat at my aunt's house so in that circumstance I am faced with navigating jungle paths filled with large puddles and potholes in the pitch black with the helpful aid of a flashlight. Nights consist of either reading, watching tv shows, or finding something to occupy my time with... studying fits in there somewhere. If I can fall asleep on time then its lights out by 10 and lately I have been making it through the whole night without being woken by rats or dogs fighting so thats a good sign!

As for me, I am doing much better than I originally was. The first couple of weeks were very rough, as I thought they were and I wasn't sure if I could do this for 2 years. Cambodian culture is very different from American culture and being thrown into another family with no one else around completely immerses one into a culture that can sometimes prove frustrating and hard to deal with. My family is great and they will do what they can do please me, but some things are getting old and I found it very hard to cope with in the beginning. Invasive would be a word fitting for a description of what Cambodian culture is like. There is no privacy in this society and everything is thought of as communal. When i'm doing something, my family has to hover over me and the second I do something they don't approve of or think is wrong they try and fix it their way and do things the way they see right. They treat me like a son of theirs that is 10 years old, but first of all I am an adult that volunteered to come from America to live in a third world country, and secondly I pay them money each month that could be considered rent. They are under the impression that I have to do follow every command of theirs, but that is not the way things are going to work over the next two years. We have been arriving at some understandings between us lately and they are starting to realize that I have my own schedule to maintain and our cultures are simply different, which is not necessarily a bad thing. There culture has taught them how to behave towards someone like me living in their household so I have to understand that and not hold it against them when annoying occurrences happen. I have been having other thoughts and feelings about the society I am living in, but it is constantly changing and I don't feel ready to draw upon any conclusions as of now... that will come in future posts!

end of training --- start of service

Today marks the day peace corps takes a step back and i take a step forward. Im traveling to my placement site where i will be working in a health center for the next 2 years. the prospect of this is still unnerving and the butterflies are ever more present. Sure, I know khmer and I can travel around this country with no problem, but that routine I have built up over the past couple months is no more and the network of friends and counterparts are all over the country... so now its up to me to figure things out and deal with problems.

I start working in a health center tomorow morning and I can only imagine how thats going to go. My health center director and the nurse I will be working with still are under the impression I know more khmer than I actually do. Its going to be frustrating and there will inevitably be communication issues, but ive done it before and the relationships will form. It will take some time but i know things will eventually get better if they start out less than great. Im looking forward to the challenge of starting this program. Noone has ever worked as a health volunteer in Cambodia and our group has the opportunity to make an everlasting impression on the program and the country. There is no script to follow and our program managers arent really sure how this is going to work out. Im going into a health center tomorow with no real job to perform... im going to be observing the health system and how things are run in the health center. But this opportunity is unparalleled to anything I could have imagined myself doing and the chance to really make an impact on this world is right in front of me. Today marks the day my training ends and my work begins and I couldnt be more thrilled to have the opportunity to partake in this awesome adventure.

Internet is still uknown, I dont know how laundry is going to work out, the food is going to be "new", and I dont even know how to use the bathroom in my new house. All of these things, while unknown at the moment, make peace corps what it is meant to be. Im supposed to figure out problems to solutions, no matter how complex or simple they may be, and over the next two years develope creative solutions that last a lifetime for the people of Cambodia. For now... its off to the village and start building those relationships which will carry me through my next 2 years of service in Peace Corps Cambodia. I hope all is well in the States... miss you all!!!!

Site Visit

Soooo much has happened since my last blog and theres little time to write so bear with me.

Training is going awesome. The frustrations from earlier on in training are starting to fade and my rejection phase of this environment is starting to change into a more acceptance and excitement feeling. Days get better and nights get worse. Instead of dogs, roosters, or monks drumming away only to wake, I have discovered rats in the banisters above my bed. They squeal at night and its been waking me quite a bit. Im not sweating as much at night so I guess thats a possitive!

Days are becoming less strenuous and im starting to pick up the language a bit better. I started to teach myself the constants and vowels so I should be able to understand Khmer script sometime in the near future. People are starting to become more comfortable with this new environment (including myself) so personalities are starting to blend more. I find myself still amazed by the beauty and simplicity of this country. The wats and the never ending rice patty fields are always a place to go and think when my mind is a cluster of madness. The family, which I will leave in a couple weeks, is starting to understand my level of Khmer so we communicate much better than before. At night I chase the neighborhood kids when I come home. they wait for the tall white guy to get home and we end up running around until you can see through my shirt due to all the sweat. Along with dance parties, karaoke sessions with horrible Khmer music, and English/Khmer sessions, evenings are awesome!

The chinese water festival was a week ago and well... they drink here. I get home from morning language class and my grandfather, uncle, family members are gathered around this elaborate lunch along with the Angkor beer. We drink because they keep on pouring beer into my mug until my friend demands I drink with her family because they want my presence. So I ride my bike over to her place and we all partake in Johnny Walker. by now its time to ride to the wat for a session on Buddism... not the time for this lol. So me and about 4 other somewhat intoxicated people sit indian style for an hour and half... laughing periodically at stupid events that really shouldnt have been that funny. I ride home and my family demands I drink more so instead I offer to sing karaoke... which was interesting to say the least. All in all... chinese water festival was a success.

The spiders are still bothersome to me and freak the shit outa me whenever they show their ugly selves but I find myself not killing them as much. They are more passive than anything and dont go after people... go figure lol. I only get my family to kill them whenever they are in the bathroom or closer to my bed than comfort would allow. My family has taken amusment in my fear of arachnids so they will hit the spiders... almost killing them... and throw them at me. OR... they like to put this huge ass spider from my yard on a stick and run after me with it.

Site visit was this week and I found out I will be living in the jungle for reals. At first I was bummed because im staying in the same province as I trained in, but o how I was wrong. The people in my province kick ASS and I can definitely live near each and every one of them for the next 2 years. The village I live in is BE-A-UTIFUL!!!! We arrived at my house and I was blown away at the site. First, my house is amazing!!! Its a beautiful wooden structure with a nice room for me that locks and you cant see through the walls! My bathroom is a bit small but its newer and clean. Under the house is a huge area to hang out and stay cool in the heat. The only downside is the spiders... theres tons of them everywhere cause of all the trees. Me and my host brother tour the town and the paths wind in and out of the Cambodian jungle. The trees are slender semi tall trees of the same height and they are thick with banana trees in between and butterflies all around. The trails are covered with palms and vines drape here and there. The houses are tucked away into the jungle and are covered in mango, banana, jackfruit, and deup trees. The wat is amazing and definitely is on the wealthy side. The town revolves around a rubber plantation where most of the fathers work and I found myself riding throughout the trees which go on forever! The smell was amazing and unlike anything in the US. Theres a huge soccer field with tall trees that were imported from France way back when. Between the two markets in town I will be able to get almost anything I could possibly need in the next 2 years... which definitely is an upside. Theres so much about the town I love and I cant wait to spend the near future living there and becoming apart of the community. Internet access will be the same as now so I will definitely be able to communicate with the outside world. Im only an hour bike ride from this provincial town so basically anything I could possibly desire is a quick bike ride away.

All in all... peace corps is an amazing experience filled with many different kinds of people and experiences. There have been events which have caught me off gaurd and there is a daily struggle to gather determination and strength to continue on. Home sickness is an every other day occurance, but its becoming more of a reality than a fear and the fact that I am on the other side of the world from my family and friends is a whole lot less difficult to deal with. Its becoming less homesickness and more of a dull downer, but that is normal and I SHOULD miss my wonderful family and friends. There are times when I cant see myself doing this for 2 years because its such a radical thing to do and different from anything I am used to, but there is not way ever that I would give this up.The good that I can do from this is too much and the experience has been too great to give up, go back home, and do the same old thing over and over again. We had a speach about commitment to ourselves, the people, and country of Cambodia. I am in this 100 percent of the way and for the next 2 years I will be living in Kampuchea!!! Expect great stories and look for the pics because they are coming... one at a time.

survived the first 2 weeks!

So its been almost 2 and a half weeks away from the states, 2 weeks in Cambodia, and 1 1/2 weeks in my village and its been a roller coaster of emotions and physical tests. Moving to my training village was something I will never forget... for many reasons. The day of move in we all gather in one room and are given our assignments of where we will be training for the next 2 months. The anticipation was unbearable at the starting of this big adventure.. most of which was unknown and mysterious. The trainees gather on 3 buses that depart to 3 seperate villages and we travel far and wide in different directions. The bus ride was awesome as we were traveling through the rural Cambodian villages we were all anticipating to work in. Once we arrived, I could barely catch my breath I was so nervous. The Cambodian people were all there staring at us as we departed our van and walked into the main Watt (buddist temple) for our arrival ceremony. Once inside we had to pay our respects to the buddah and sit in amazement and anticipation as monks bless us with chants while throwing flowers and water at us. After the chanting we meet our families one by one in the front of the watt.. which can only be described as awkward. After a quick pic with my host dad we sit around and eat fruit.. while laughing awkwardly at the huge language barrier in front of us. I had no idea how to speak Khmer and my dad surely had no idea how to speak English... so remember this as I describe the rest of the day.

After that awesome meeting we gather back up in the vans and get dropped off one by one as the rest of us watch in humor. While traveling through the town I could definitely sense that these people have never seen a foreigner and later I found we are the first foreigners to actually come to the quaint village of Chamkar Leu. My house is the farthest from the one main road so I was second to last to being dropped off. The van simply dropped me and my bags off at my gate and departed to drop off the next trainee. Once at my house I greeted my mom, little brother, and two little sisters... none of which knew a lick of English. After setting up my huge misquito net and moving my bags into my room.. they showed me the rest of my house and the squat toilet. I was in a state of shock and disbelief in the fact I was going to be living like this for 2 years, but I had no time to take in the moment as my family somehow told me to go out and meet the neighbors. That consisted of being led around by the arm to this shack next door, sat down on a chair while around 40 rural Cambodian locals gathered around and stared at me, laughed alot, and critiqued every aspect of my foreign complexion. It was a moment unlike any other and I was in a state of complete culture shock. Afterwards we went back to my house and ate dinner ON a table.. not in the chairs surrounding the table. The dad and I sit in indian style while the others sit with their legs to the side as a symbol of respect. Each person gets a huge bowl of rice and in the center sits 3 - 4 bowls of soups, beef stir fry, fish past, pickles, and other edible things. We eat with a spoon and use a fork to shove food the spoon; that same spoon is used repeatedly to dip into the bowls so their is alot of bodily fluid sharing. Your only allowed to scoop one spoonful of food your rice at a time so meals get dragged on forever. The conversation consisted of being looked at and smiled at... my family was very warm and welcoming, which I desperatly needed at that time. Afterwards we sat around the small tv in the one roomed house and they showed my a WWE cd which I thought was hilarious. We just sat around for a while because of the huge gap in language communication and they tried to make "the guest of honor" feel welcomed.. which I was... but the experience was so unreal I was just zoning off into space.. thinking about the next 2 years.

Finally I went to my room, sat in my bed and thought I was never going to be able to do this for 2 years. If I had doubts... it was then. I seriously thought about throwing in the towel because I was so physically exhasted from the heat, emotionally drained from the previous days of prepareation for this, and scared. Nights are filled with roosters waking my up at all hours of the night, dogs fighting tirelesly, and sweat dripping all over my sheets and pillow. After waking up the next morning I was still in shock and disbelief at how this was going to work for the next 2 years. Training started that day so I just got on my bike and rode off to training.

Training consists of language class and technical training. Ive visited health centers, their versions of hospitals, and seen how desperate the health care situation is. They are dirty and highly understaffed. Nothing is as it should be in the year 2010 and if I was going to be anywhere in the world.. this is it. Every day I learn the language and im starting to be able to converse with my family. Day by day it gets a whole lot better and im starting to really like my family and the village im in. To be able to converse with the people you live with makes a world of difference in my emotional and physical well being. Im loving life at the moment and any doubts that I had are completely gone. Im starting really good friendships with the other trainees and many of them are awesome people that are exactly like me in my wanting to make a difference in the world. We study in language groups of 4 and those are the poeple Im really starting to bond with.

The fruits and foods are awesome and unlike anything in America. Fruits like mangos and pineapples are plentiful among the makoots, soi mows, mians, pneuws and other fruits.. many of which are in my back yard. Coconut trees are everywhere and there is nothing like the smell of rain durring monsoon season. When it rains is pours and dirt streets turn into rivers. I was suprised at how people here know absolutely nothing about lightening... seeing as it kills more people here a year than some horrible diseases. I love life at the moment and the homesickness is starting to fade away. I miss people back home terribly, but my days are so busy I barely have time to think about it. The beauty of htis country is amazing and I cant wait to make it that much better with the work I will be doing.

On a final note... picture this. A long road surrounded by rice patty fields and pinnaple farms. At the end of this road is a huge watt orantely decorated with snakes and buddah statues. Coconut trees dot the landscape and shrines for hte dead rest silently amongst the buddahg shrines. Behind lies a mountain that is led up to the top with a railing made in the shape of a snakes body. Think Ace Ventura when Nature Calls... all i wanted was a slinky. At the top sits an old buddhist temple with nuns and old monks praying to shrines. This is Chamkar Leu.... my home for the next 2 months. Im alive and living life day by day. For now im getting ready to travel into the countryside and visit a current peace corps volunteer... wish me luck! sorry for the typos... tried to get this done before bed. PEACE!

First Impression

So after our 13 hour flight we arrived in Hong Kong and me + a few cool cats walked around down town Hong Kong. The buildings were amazing.... the tops were covered in clouds and the lights were unlike anything ive seen. We ate at this noodle shop and I had this nasty shrimp wan-tan soup... never again. The streets of that city are gated off so its very difficult to walk around and get where you want. A tropical storm was hitting the city at the time... so yea... it was pretty awesome!

The next morning we woke up early and flew to the Cambodian capital of Phnom Penh. From the step off the flight I started sweating, but I was loving every minute of it cause I WAS IN CAMBODIA! After a bus trip through the crazy streets of Phnom Penh we arrived at the Peace Corps head quarters and had introductions to the people that were going to be helping us survive for the next two years. Amazingness ensued because we then broke up into groups and traveled around the city. The streets were jam packed with mopeds and cars, going every direction and not obeying a single law. People turn when they want and the direction of traffic is simply a suggestion of which way you should go. We toured a market where i saw / ate dragon fruit, maku, and duri fruit. The smell was horrible, but the freshness and lack of preservatives and chemicals was a sight to behold and unlike anything one can find in the U.S.

After that we traveled to a Wat (temple) and gazed at the buddah statues sitting in the front of this empty yet ornate room. From there we traveled to the royal palace and happened to see indian elephants roaming the street in front of it. Apparently elephants are the way to roll. While talking to current peace corps volunteers I found out toilet paper is not normally used and I will most likely be using my hand. Also, I found out huge spiders the size of your face are a normal site and I should probably get used to it... not gunna happen.

After only a day I can see how amazing this country is and how in need it is for help. The people have gone through a horrible past and most are still recovering from the murder of 1/3 of its population (3 million people) during the Kmer Rouge. Poverty is everywhere yet I see nothing but smiles from passing locals. This is going to be unlike anything Ive ever experienced and there will be alot to adjust to. I cant wait to share what lies ahead... so look out for more!

Saying Goodbye... for now

So I leave for the adventure of a lifetime in 4 days and I can't even begin to describe the emotions and feelings running through my head.

Excitement: I cannot believe this is about to happen! Soon I will be living with a Cambodian family learning a completely new culture and helping many people. This opportunity is a gift few have the ability to experience and I can't wait to start living the life of a Peace Corps Volunteer for the next 27 months.

Sadness: There's no way to get around it, I am saying goodbye to many amazing people for the next 27 months and it is something I am finding very hard to cope with. My friends and family are awesome individuals I am extremely fortunate to have in my life and leaving them behind for such a long time brings me to tears. But these situations have come and gone before... the sadness WILL pass... and it will be replaced by the memories of this upcoming adventure.

Determination: My time in Cambodia is going to be both rewarding and trying. Times may get rough but i'm more determined than ever to use my mind for good and come up with creative and useful ways to accomplish any goal I set for myself. There is so much I will be able to do and it is up to me to take advantage of my time there to improve life of the Cambodian people.

Questions?: Will I have a toilet seat to sit on / will there be toilet paper? Are there really tarantulas the size of my face? How hot is hot in Cambodia? Will I be living with 5 or 15 family member? How am I going to communicate with friends and family back home? What is monsoon season really like? and the list goes on...

These being the most prominent feelings, many more are swirling throughout my head. For now, I'm focusing on chilling with the people important to me, saying "see ya later", trying to get my America on and absorb everything that is most likely not going to be available in the coming months. For my friends and family just remember, this is not a goodbye forever. Its simply a see ya in a year or two and keep in touch during this "long adventure".