I finally have started to do what I came here for and I am fulfilling that image of what I thought being a volunteer was going to be like. I have been loving life for the past 5 or so months and rarely go to bed at night without a smile on my face. I love my host family and the community I was put in... everything is simply too good to be true. I have prospects of traveling to far away lands in the future I never thought possible and the next year and a half is looking to be the best yet. One thing has been missing from that though... my work at the health center and my position as a health volunteer in the community.
I haven't been talking with people about health for a variety of reasons. They seem very stand-offish and apprehensive to talk to me when they come into the health center. They are either intimidated by my skin and status as a foreigner or I believed they thought that what I had to say was completely pointless and meaningless. Cambodian people are some of the most friendly Asians you can ever meet, but when they come into that health center I get a very different impression of them and it is not one that is inviting and eager to talk. I could never bring myself to start conversing with people about issues such as sanitation, nutrition, and disease prevention out of fear that they would think it ridiculous that I lecture on such trivial issues. I also didn't know nearly enough vocabulary until recently so I also had this fear that they would start talking and I would not know what they are saying. These factors kept me at bay until one day 2 weeks ago where I just went at it and started talking.
Sine then I literally talk to every single person that walks into my health center. I give speeches on proper nutrition, vitamins, sanitation, and disease prevention. I created a number station for my health center so everyone who enters has to pick a number for one of the three areas of service and wait according to when he or she arrived. This allows the doctor to not be bombarded with patients who are vying for a spot up front as close as they can to the doctor, but creates a more private environment that allows the patient to disclose more of what is wrong with them which in turn allows for a better assessment from the doctor's point of view. This also allows me to talk with people because they are now no longer worried about their spot in line and are much more relaxed while waiting for their number to be called, which gives me the opportunity to dive in and start talking about health. While sitting at my number station right in front of the entrance, I now talk with everybody about issues I feel they may be suffering from and ways to improve their health. I casually talk with mothers about what proper nutrition is for their kids and what they should do to encourage healthy eating habits. I talk with kids about what foods they eat and what healthy foods do for them. I talk about sanitation and the proper way to wash hands. The topics go on and on and I have a bunch in my head that are just waiting for me to put it on paper and practice.
I also started going out into the community on my bike to places where I previously was afraid of dogs. The canines of Cambodia are some of the most fierce in any 3rd world country and for a while I was afraid of getting bit so I didn't venture out into my surrounding villages. Recently I have gotten over that fear and now the dogs don't scare me one bit. If they start to chase me I simply get off my bike and act like a maniac by screaming and throwing things at them until they leave me alone. Its worked so far so here's to a year and a half more without a dog bite! Now that I have gotten out into the rural parts of my community I am meeting a whole different set of people. There are kids everywhere out there, playing with sticks and stones and peeing left and right. I have been finding them and start casually talking with them. I figure if I go around and talk to them enough they will start to be comfortable enough with me to allow me to start discussing health with them. They are always interested in the white guy showing up on my bike and chatting up about this and that. The villages around my community no longer intimidate me and I am finding it rather easy to talk to these people. They generally seem very interested in what I have to say and suprisingly they are much more in the dark about many issues I just assumed they knew about. Going around on my bike and talking to random Cambodians about health is something that makes me smile every time and I cant wait to do more in this area by maybe starting health clubs or parenting clubs in these remote villages.
One other thing I have started is teaching at the local high school. After months of waiting for the director to make up his mind, I met with him again and he finally agreed to let me teach. He told me I was to start teaching the next week and he left the meeting without telling me the day, the age group of the kids, and whether or not they spoke any English. So I prepared a lesson on nutrition and the 3 food groups, whats in them, and why they are important, and planned on speaking the entire lesson in Khmer. I was semi-nervous about this for the fact that they could easily not understand a word I say and it be a complete failure. I went to the school on a day I thought best and was led to a classroom where the teacher was told to stop and I was told to start teaching haha. I went through the lesson with such energy and charisma that these kids were blown away I feel. They normally don't get that kind of energy from their teachers here and we really hit it off from the beginning. They were all laughing and volunteering and listening to everything I said which I couldn't have been happier about. The lesson went off without a hitch and the best part about it was they understood everything I was trying to say. I didn't need help at all and I feel as though many of them took away something from the lesson. I now have a date at that school to teach a class every Thursday and I am now looking into the primary schools to give health lessons to. Eventually I would like to be teaching 3 days a week and maybe a Saturday here and there.
My 5pm classes are still going strong. I go to one of several private schools every night at 5pm and help out with pronunciation and vocabulary... aka... teach them. I have been seeing these several groups of kids every night for the past 5 months and many of us have been growing into really good friends. I always enjoy going and chatting with these kids before class starts and then helping them through the lesson with their difficulties in pronouncing words. They never fail to make me laugh and no matter what happens throughout the day, I always leave these lessons in a good mood. I see many of them on the streets throughout the day and it is at the point where I will start talking with them whenever I see them. The kids are great and its nice to have such a large group of people I am friendly with. I don't feel like an outsider anymore and that is largely due to this wonderful group of friend I have formed over the past 6 months at site. Anywhere I go the people say "Hi Chris!" or "Hi Teacher!". There is this overwhelming sense of belonging to the community I now feel and it is something I feel any Peace Corps volunteer strives to obtain.
All of this, plus my work in the health center, plus my awesome family and community are making this an experience that is life changing in a very enjoyable and positive way. I feel like I am finally being useful and I couldn't be happier with the way things are going. There are still those wtf moments where something goes wrong, I see a spider or insect the size of my face, get canceled on by someone at the last moment, cant understand a word somebody is saying, or other general frustrations of working in this country. The roads are dangerous and the heat is every bit overwhelming as it was when I stepped off that plain, but the things I am doing here and the experiences that make up every day are just too awesome to make me do anything other than smile and think to myself how lucky I am to be here. I finally feel like I have found my way, and after a couple hard months at working to get here, it was definitely worth it.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Monday, January 31, 2011
Life is Short
So after Cambodia decided to block this website for a while, I'm back on and ready to post more blogs about my sweet adventures in the bode!
I was going to talk about whats happened in the past month, since this country never fails to provide a surprise around every corner, but the events of today are the only thing in my head at the moment and I need to let it out before going into detail about anything else.
The morning was crazy... we had over 100 patients in about 2 hours at the health center and I could do nothing other than man the number station I have set up, handing out numbers to either vaccination, pregnancy checkups, or consultation. I was exhausted after my 3 hours of work and headed home to a wonderful lunch of fish soup in fish sauce... which was very "fishy" in many ways. After lunch one of my friends from the village informed me of an accident outside her house so I hopped on my bike to see what all the commotion was about. I arrived at one of the most horrible sites I have ever seen up close. A rubber plantation truck collided head on with a van, killing the passengers of the van. There was barely anything left of the van... and it was mangled in ways metal should not be. This accident happened in literally the center of my village on the national highway and hordes of people were gathered around the scene, vying for a spot up front to see the carnage first hand. I was curious for some reason to see the front of the car, that being said, I was under the impression the people had been taking out of what was left of the front of the van. Apparently the driver had been removed and taking away, but as I was moving up front they pried off the passenger side door and yep, the passenger fell out. I couldn't immediately see what it was, but as the crowd parted for a moment I saw what became of that passenger and that sight is something I hope to never see unless in a hospital.
I wont go into details about what the person looked like, but regardless of how mangled he was, what struck me the most was how people were reacting. The entire village was crammed just feet away from this body and they were all gawking at it like an art exhibit. Since it happened right outside the wat, the monks were even staring at it. The fumes from the spilled fuel, the blood everywhere, the person lying on the ground with parts missing, and the scene of tangles metal all were too much for me to handle so I took off on my bike, ignoring my parents who were also gawking at it, and made it home before I broke down.
In America, most people would prefer not to see such things and are simply terrified at the prospect of looking at a dead body. I have seen many pictures of dead people, have been to funerals here and there, and have even ventured into the human dissection room of a medical school, but the scenes from today overwhelmed me alot to the point where I was questioning whether I could see things like that as an ER doctor. Cambodians however seem to be missing that part in their brain where such things are just wrong to gawk at. This is a very intrusive country like I have said countless times, and they will never willingly miss out on a chance to see something different from daily life, whether it is a person moving into a house in town, painting of lines on the road, or a fatal accident. They have to see see see and don't think that maybe its a tad disrespectful to the deceased to clamber over each other simply to stare at something that quite frankly shouldn't be stared at. When I was around the accident people were literally pushing to see the dead person on the ground. It was like a penn state football game when students used o push their way to the front of the line. I was at first disgusted at how people simply had no remorse or sadness for this young adult laying on the ground in such a sad state. I just can't put it into perspective how it simply has no effect on them other than to get as close as they can to the action. How is an entire society that immune to such a sight? How can they not feel/show sadness at the thought that their families are never going to be whole again, and each was leaving behind loved ones that now have to grieve over their loss? Then it occurred to me that these people have had such a rough life and seen things like this so frequently that they have become desensitized to tragedy and death. This society definitely deals with death much differently than the US. Instead of being afraid of the dead in human form, many are actually afraid of the ghosts that now roam the village until the funeral. People are much more terrified of the misty impressions humans supposedly leave on earth than by blood and mangled bodies. Again, it is something I just accept as a difference and will try to take it in stride from now on.
What became my second round of shock was due to the realization that that could all too easily have been me or any of my fellow peace corps volunteers. Roads are just plain scary around here and any day something like this could happen to a friend or host family member. I felt vulnerable and jumpy anytime a car passed me today. They barrel down the road, thinking that a honk of the horn allows them the privilege to speed on roads that should not be taken so care free. I don't think they ever consider the consequences that can possibly ensue from driving at those speeds on the opposite side of the road at times. The van today was passing another vehicle and just went right into the other lane without a care in the world and unfortunately a truck was barreling the opposite direction. Nobody... and I mean NOBODY thinks to use some common sense when driving on the roads.When I am riding my bike I have to always be looking far out in front of me because cars and trucks simply drive on the opposite side of the road. They will pass people on hills and around sharp corners, with not a care in the world as to what might be coming around the corner on the opposite side of the road. Buses are the worse because they know nothing is going to get in their way so instead of waiting for the road to straighten out while they pass a car, they jut out into the opposite lane and make cars coming in the opposite direction veer off the road to make way for the large bus speeding towards them. I am terrified to ever get in another vehicle after today and definitely don't plan on riding in a van anytime in the near future.
All this brings me to the title. Life is short. Theres no getting around that one. We are on this earth for the blink of an eye and if anything, the events of today have made me appreciate the fact that I was able to live another day in the face of so much..... shit. I always try to make the most of my days, and thats not to say I never give myself rest because I can be quite lazy in hot Cambodian afternoons. I do what I can do and live each day as though I have this amazing gift I have been blessed with. After seeing stuff like this it makes me much less likely to complain about things rather than cherish what I have. There is simply not enough time on this Earth to do everything I have in mind, but I'm going to try my hardest to do as much as I can with as much passion as I can muster. I just hope and pray that others out there read this and realize how awesome life is. It is not something to be taken lightly and given what we are given we almost have a responsibility to those who were not blessed to make as much out of it as we can.
So after having a pretty so so dinner and falling off my bike, it is time to say goodnight and hope that the sun shine tomorrow brings a much happier day to Cambodia. Peace.
I was going to talk about whats happened in the past month, since this country never fails to provide a surprise around every corner, but the events of today are the only thing in my head at the moment and I need to let it out before going into detail about anything else.
The morning was crazy... we had over 100 patients in about 2 hours at the health center and I could do nothing other than man the number station I have set up, handing out numbers to either vaccination, pregnancy checkups, or consultation. I was exhausted after my 3 hours of work and headed home to a wonderful lunch of fish soup in fish sauce... which was very "fishy" in many ways. After lunch one of my friends from the village informed me of an accident outside her house so I hopped on my bike to see what all the commotion was about. I arrived at one of the most horrible sites I have ever seen up close. A rubber plantation truck collided head on with a van, killing the passengers of the van. There was barely anything left of the van... and it was mangled in ways metal should not be. This accident happened in literally the center of my village on the national highway and hordes of people were gathered around the scene, vying for a spot up front to see the carnage first hand. I was curious for some reason to see the front of the car, that being said, I was under the impression the people had been taking out of what was left of the front of the van. Apparently the driver had been removed and taking away, but as I was moving up front they pried off the passenger side door and yep, the passenger fell out. I couldn't immediately see what it was, but as the crowd parted for a moment I saw what became of that passenger and that sight is something I hope to never see unless in a hospital.
I wont go into details about what the person looked like, but regardless of how mangled he was, what struck me the most was how people were reacting. The entire village was crammed just feet away from this body and they were all gawking at it like an art exhibit. Since it happened right outside the wat, the monks were even staring at it. The fumes from the spilled fuel, the blood everywhere, the person lying on the ground with parts missing, and the scene of tangles metal all were too much for me to handle so I took off on my bike, ignoring my parents who were also gawking at it, and made it home before I broke down.
In America, most people would prefer not to see such things and are simply terrified at the prospect of looking at a dead body. I have seen many pictures of dead people, have been to funerals here and there, and have even ventured into the human dissection room of a medical school, but the scenes from today overwhelmed me alot to the point where I was questioning whether I could see things like that as an ER doctor. Cambodians however seem to be missing that part in their brain where such things are just wrong to gawk at. This is a very intrusive country like I have said countless times, and they will never willingly miss out on a chance to see something different from daily life, whether it is a person moving into a house in town, painting of lines on the road, or a fatal accident. They have to see see see and don't think that maybe its a tad disrespectful to the deceased to clamber over each other simply to stare at something that quite frankly shouldn't be stared at. When I was around the accident people were literally pushing to see the dead person on the ground. It was like a penn state football game when students used o push their way to the front of the line. I was at first disgusted at how people simply had no remorse or sadness for this young adult laying on the ground in such a sad state. I just can't put it into perspective how it simply has no effect on them other than to get as close as they can to the action. How is an entire society that immune to such a sight? How can they not feel/show sadness at the thought that their families are never going to be whole again, and each was leaving behind loved ones that now have to grieve over their loss? Then it occurred to me that these people have had such a rough life and seen things like this so frequently that they have become desensitized to tragedy and death. This society definitely deals with death much differently than the US. Instead of being afraid of the dead in human form, many are actually afraid of the ghosts that now roam the village until the funeral. People are much more terrified of the misty impressions humans supposedly leave on earth than by blood and mangled bodies. Again, it is something I just accept as a difference and will try to take it in stride from now on.
What became my second round of shock was due to the realization that that could all too easily have been me or any of my fellow peace corps volunteers. Roads are just plain scary around here and any day something like this could happen to a friend or host family member. I felt vulnerable and jumpy anytime a car passed me today. They barrel down the road, thinking that a honk of the horn allows them the privilege to speed on roads that should not be taken so care free. I don't think they ever consider the consequences that can possibly ensue from driving at those speeds on the opposite side of the road at times. The van today was passing another vehicle and just went right into the other lane without a care in the world and unfortunately a truck was barreling the opposite direction. Nobody... and I mean NOBODY thinks to use some common sense when driving on the roads.When I am riding my bike I have to always be looking far out in front of me because cars and trucks simply drive on the opposite side of the road. They will pass people on hills and around sharp corners, with not a care in the world as to what might be coming around the corner on the opposite side of the road. Buses are the worse because they know nothing is going to get in their way so instead of waiting for the road to straighten out while they pass a car, they jut out into the opposite lane and make cars coming in the opposite direction veer off the road to make way for the large bus speeding towards them. I am terrified to ever get in another vehicle after today and definitely don't plan on riding in a van anytime in the near future.
All this brings me to the title. Life is short. Theres no getting around that one. We are on this earth for the blink of an eye and if anything, the events of today have made me appreciate the fact that I was able to live another day in the face of so much..... shit. I always try to make the most of my days, and thats not to say I never give myself rest because I can be quite lazy in hot Cambodian afternoons. I do what I can do and live each day as though I have this amazing gift I have been blessed with. After seeing stuff like this it makes me much less likely to complain about things rather than cherish what I have. There is simply not enough time on this Earth to do everything I have in mind, but I'm going to try my hardest to do as much as I can with as much passion as I can muster. I just hope and pray that others out there read this and realize how awesome life is. It is not something to be taken lightly and given what we are given we almost have a responsibility to those who were not blessed to make as much out of it as we can.
So after having a pretty so so dinner and falling off my bike, it is time to say goodnight and hope that the sun shine tomorrow brings a much happier day to Cambodia. Peace.
Monday, December 27, 2010
It's Always Sunny in... Cambodia
I had a great christmas and got to skype with some great people I haven't seen in a while. It's amazing how I can be living in a Cambodian village and be able to talk to people over the internet face to face. There may be a 12 hour time difference separating me from home, but over the holidays I talked to so many people I barely noticed the thousands of miles in between. Many of my fellow volunteers headed to the Gulf of Thialand and the Christmas decorated Phnom Penh, but I decided to stay at my site and spend my first Christmas in Cambodia with Khmer people. I managed to get myself to a party my counterpart was throwing at her house and all of her husband's English students were there drinking coconuts right off the tree and eating bowls of curry... it definitely was different from pumpkin pie and ginger bread cookies, but awesome nonetheless. We played games for a while and danced to some English to Khmer pop music before I headed back to my house the moment darkness started to fall. Riding around my village is not one of the smartest things one could do, seeing as their are blood thirsty dogs that attack at the slightest of movement in the night. I made that mistake once as I decided to ride my bike to my aunt's house and surprise them all with my presence, but on the way over I was chased by two seperate packs of dogs before barely making it into my aunt's yard where they retreated and left me be. I would love to be able to travel around the village when dusk is approaching cause the sky is brilliant shades of pink, orange, and red. Its one of the most beautiful skies I have ever seen and it can only be observed from a few spots in the village due to all the trees. I have been meaning to ride out to the rubber plantation and watch it set over the small ever ending field of trees but like I said... the dogs are currently preventing me from doing such.
Anyways... Christmas was awesome and I found myself in a great mood the entire holiday. It was rough being away from home, seeing my friends over the computer screen and not being able to chill like old times, but that feeling was soon replaced by an ecstatic feeling of joy and appreciation. Several conversations I had with some people were less than enthusiastic about the holiday season and finding this and that to complain about. Not that I have a problem with that cause I did plenty of that while I was in the states. But now, while living in Cambodia, I can reflect on how much I have changed in general and how my personality has changed dramatically from this worry stricken wreck of an individual always fretting over what grades he got, what my friends were doing, why did I do that wrong, and why was life sucking so much to this person who takes things much slower and doesn't worry about the little things in life. I used to constantly worry about everything, causing myself to be high strung and edgy constantly. I put too much importance into little things like letters that would show up on my transcript twice a year and make life one large test that was never ending. My mood suffered and many situations that should not have been such a big deal ended up being blown out of proportion all for some stupid gpa. Not to say grades are meaningless, but to push yourself to the point where depression is setting in and the ones you care about are being hurt, that's going too far. I was like that to the very last day I was in America and everything was about to change for the better once I got on that plane and took that 22 hour flight to Cambodia.
I have been here for 5 months and can say that I am proud and completely stoked about my new outlook on life. While being an American plucked right of college and dropped in a Cambodian village is by no means stress free, the stresses are different and I find myself dealing with them in a completely new way. Many things go awry, meetings get canceled without notice, people seem to never consider others before themselves, I get chased by dogs everyday, spiders the size of my face hide in my bathroom, I can't communicate with people yet to the point where I am doing something productive in the community, and yes... its always hot. But when problems arise I take them one at a time and look at them for what they really are. Yes, it can be very frustrating to the point where I want to throw in the towel when I get waken up at 4am because my dad feels the need to talk on his phone right outside my bedroom door, but I don't let it affect me past those 5 initial minutes of annoyance and simply just go back to bed. When someone doesn't come to a meeting I have scheduled I simply reschedule for another time and hope it works out the next time. When I cant communicate with my health staff on certain conversations and feel incredibly stupid after living and learning about khmer for 5 months I simply think to myself it can only get better and eventually I will come around... just need to study a bit more. The list goes on and on, but when push comes to shove and things are getting frustrating I think to myself I am doing what I can at the moment and I wouldn't be here if things were perfect... what else could I have expected when I signed up for Peace Corps.
I also used to be very dependent on my friends and based my happiness on others which I realize now was completely unhealthy. I would take little things people did and brew over them for ages until I broke down and had it out with whoever did whatever I was upset about. I had several friendships end because of that and almost pushed a few others away because of it. There was a destructive sided of me that was dependent on friendships that I had, but after coming here I realize all of that worrying and bickering over stupid shit was completely pointless. I have the most wonderful family a guy could ask for and my friends are amazing people I am blessed to have. I was so worried before I joined the peace corps that many of my friends would forget me and simply move on in their lives. While that is not going to happen with most, I am completely fine with people moving on and getting on with their lives without me. I am happy to be self reliant and find peace and happiness alone in this Cambodian village. True happiness is not measured by how many friends a person has and what they think of him. Its realizing what you have and being thankful and appreciative for it. I no longer find myself worrying about this and that when it comes to other people and just learn to accept things for what they are. Friends come and friends go... that is life. But family will always be there for you no matter what and I am thankful for being blessed with such an amazing one.
Now to the title... because I really do feel as though it is always sunny in the Bode. I am at a point in my life where I couldn't be happier with the way things are going and what I am experiencing. I have learned to slow life down and take it step by step instead of jump after jump. I look around and soak in the beautiful Cambodian jungle when I stroll through the jungle paths lackadaisically on my way home from the health center. I sit on my porch and just listen to the kids playing, notice the khmer music faintly emanating from the thick barrage of trees that surround my house, and watch villages doing their daily routines that they have been doing for many years. When I walk around my house or wherever I am going, its not at a brisk hurriedly walk, but instead I have learned the art of strolling and taking my time at getting to wherever my destination is. I am fine with simply doing nothing in an afternoon and don't constantly feel the need to be productive every waking moment of my life. I smile at night sometimes when falling asleep.. creepily enough, and find myself constantly in a wonderful mood. I have to constantly pinch and remind myself that I really am here, in Cambodia, working at a health center, in a rural Cambodian village, and about to have the most exciting years of my life ahead of me. This experience has done so much for me already, yet I can only hope to give as much and more back to the community by the end of this 2 year service.
I know life in America is stressful and I hope my friends continue to use me as a source of relief cause I know all too well how helpful it is to just let go of whats been bothering you and get it all out in a large bang! I am just thankful that I have realized how little those little problems are in life and when looking at the big picture, I have alot to be thankful for and continue to be amazed at how lucky I am to have such an amazing set of family and friends while sitting here in my hut in the middle of the Cambodian jungle. Cambodia is definitely sunny today, and I am predicting it will be sunny for the remainder of my years here. Sure there will be clouds, downpours, bursts of lightening and thunder, but the lightening always stops, the rain always ends, and the sky will always part and give way to a brilliant Cambodian sun.
Anyways... Christmas was awesome and I found myself in a great mood the entire holiday. It was rough being away from home, seeing my friends over the computer screen and not being able to chill like old times, but that feeling was soon replaced by an ecstatic feeling of joy and appreciation. Several conversations I had with some people were less than enthusiastic about the holiday season and finding this and that to complain about. Not that I have a problem with that cause I did plenty of that while I was in the states. But now, while living in Cambodia, I can reflect on how much I have changed in general and how my personality has changed dramatically from this worry stricken wreck of an individual always fretting over what grades he got, what my friends were doing, why did I do that wrong, and why was life sucking so much to this person who takes things much slower and doesn't worry about the little things in life. I used to constantly worry about everything, causing myself to be high strung and edgy constantly. I put too much importance into little things like letters that would show up on my transcript twice a year and make life one large test that was never ending. My mood suffered and many situations that should not have been such a big deal ended up being blown out of proportion all for some stupid gpa. Not to say grades are meaningless, but to push yourself to the point where depression is setting in and the ones you care about are being hurt, that's going too far. I was like that to the very last day I was in America and everything was about to change for the better once I got on that plane and took that 22 hour flight to Cambodia.
I have been here for 5 months and can say that I am proud and completely stoked about my new outlook on life. While being an American plucked right of college and dropped in a Cambodian village is by no means stress free, the stresses are different and I find myself dealing with them in a completely new way. Many things go awry, meetings get canceled without notice, people seem to never consider others before themselves, I get chased by dogs everyday, spiders the size of my face hide in my bathroom, I can't communicate with people yet to the point where I am doing something productive in the community, and yes... its always hot. But when problems arise I take them one at a time and look at them for what they really are. Yes, it can be very frustrating to the point where I want to throw in the towel when I get waken up at 4am because my dad feels the need to talk on his phone right outside my bedroom door, but I don't let it affect me past those 5 initial minutes of annoyance and simply just go back to bed. When someone doesn't come to a meeting I have scheduled I simply reschedule for another time and hope it works out the next time. When I cant communicate with my health staff on certain conversations and feel incredibly stupid after living and learning about khmer for 5 months I simply think to myself it can only get better and eventually I will come around... just need to study a bit more. The list goes on and on, but when push comes to shove and things are getting frustrating I think to myself I am doing what I can at the moment and I wouldn't be here if things were perfect... what else could I have expected when I signed up for Peace Corps.
I also used to be very dependent on my friends and based my happiness on others which I realize now was completely unhealthy. I would take little things people did and brew over them for ages until I broke down and had it out with whoever did whatever I was upset about. I had several friendships end because of that and almost pushed a few others away because of it. There was a destructive sided of me that was dependent on friendships that I had, but after coming here I realize all of that worrying and bickering over stupid shit was completely pointless. I have the most wonderful family a guy could ask for and my friends are amazing people I am blessed to have. I was so worried before I joined the peace corps that many of my friends would forget me and simply move on in their lives. While that is not going to happen with most, I am completely fine with people moving on and getting on with their lives without me. I am happy to be self reliant and find peace and happiness alone in this Cambodian village. True happiness is not measured by how many friends a person has and what they think of him. Its realizing what you have and being thankful and appreciative for it. I no longer find myself worrying about this and that when it comes to other people and just learn to accept things for what they are. Friends come and friends go... that is life. But family will always be there for you no matter what and I am thankful for being blessed with such an amazing one.
Now to the title... because I really do feel as though it is always sunny in the Bode. I am at a point in my life where I couldn't be happier with the way things are going and what I am experiencing. I have learned to slow life down and take it step by step instead of jump after jump. I look around and soak in the beautiful Cambodian jungle when I stroll through the jungle paths lackadaisically on my way home from the health center. I sit on my porch and just listen to the kids playing, notice the khmer music faintly emanating from the thick barrage of trees that surround my house, and watch villages doing their daily routines that they have been doing for many years. When I walk around my house or wherever I am going, its not at a brisk hurriedly walk, but instead I have learned the art of strolling and taking my time at getting to wherever my destination is. I am fine with simply doing nothing in an afternoon and don't constantly feel the need to be productive every waking moment of my life. I smile at night sometimes when falling asleep.. creepily enough, and find myself constantly in a wonderful mood. I have to constantly pinch and remind myself that I really am here, in Cambodia, working at a health center, in a rural Cambodian village, and about to have the most exciting years of my life ahead of me. This experience has done so much for me already, yet I can only hope to give as much and more back to the community by the end of this 2 year service.
I know life in America is stressful and I hope my friends continue to use me as a source of relief cause I know all too well how helpful it is to just let go of whats been bothering you and get it all out in a large bang! I am just thankful that I have realized how little those little problems are in life and when looking at the big picture, I have alot to be thankful for and continue to be amazed at how lucky I am to have such an amazing set of family and friends while sitting here in my hut in the middle of the Cambodian jungle. Cambodia is definitely sunny today, and I am predicting it will be sunny for the remainder of my years here. Sure there will be clouds, downpours, bursts of lightening and thunder, but the lightening always stops, the rain always ends, and the sky will always part and give way to a brilliant Cambodian sun.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Holiday Spirit, Funerals, and Everything in Between
So much has happened in the past 20 days since my last blog and i dont even know where to start. My schedule has suddenly exploded and I find myself busy everyday. In the beginning I was a never ending state of boredom with my lack of khmer skills and absolutely no direction in the health center. Things were bleak for a while and I was in a crappy mood. Over the past month I find that completely nonexistent as I am running from here and there and studying this and that. What I used to be aggravated with has now become part of daily life, although new frustrations continue to pop up from time to time. In the past I used to worry about dogs and being bitten with rabbis ridden teeth and saliva, but now I just take my helmet off and swing away until they scamper back into their compounds... problem solved! Over the past couple of weeks my new aggravation has been the young ones that scatter every household. Sure, they are cute and smaller than some of the cow patties I have seen strewn all over the roads, but their demeanor and lack of sensible respect (for kids their age) is astounding. I know children in America and all over the world cry about many things and throw tantrums left and right, but there is something about these kids that really gets under my skin. I have always loved kids and cant wait to have some of my own, but after being here Im having second thoughts. The ear piercing scream that eminates from kids every fifteen minutes seems all too normal and is treated passively by parents. When a kid doesn't get the food he wants or the marble he wants to play with, an ear drum numbing yell bursts out of the mouth and is simply solved by giving the kid what he wants. There are no consequences or repercussions for their actions... they are taught that if I scream I will get what I want. It is understandable for kids up to 3 years old, but beyond that it gets to be a little ridiculous. As I have written this paragraph in the past 5 minutes there have been 3 outbursts of extreme crying and I can bet it was because one of their siblings had something the kid wanted. Again, I know it happens all over the world, its a simple fact of nature that they don't know any better, but the aggravating part is that the parents know its wrong and do nothing about it. I'm thinking a parenting class is in order for these people... hmmm... secondary project?
So thats my current aggravation. Don't mean to give off an impression that I don't love every minute of life here cause I do! Over the past month I have become extremely integrated into my family, friends, and co-workers. A little after my last blog my grandmother died and the events that were to follow will be with me forever. That was the first time I really felt absolutely part of the family and accepted as one of them. the night before her death my mom thought it would be nice for me to go visit her mom and I don't know how the timing happened the way it did, but thankfully I got to meet her while she was alive. We traveled to my grandparent's house and it was tucked away in the slaw trees that cover my village. It had an expansive backyard and an impressive front structure. The trees around their house were just a tad bit taller than the ones surrounding my house and I immediately got an impression that this house has a long history that includes my mother and her 11 siblings. When I walked in the house the grandmother was laying there in the middle of the living room floor, covered in a blanket up to her curled up hands, with nothing more to her than skin and bone. Her breaths were very labored and she could do nothing but stare up at the ceiling while using every ounce of her strength to breath air into her frail lungs. I asked what was wrong with her and apparently she had old lady disease... not sure what that is but I hope no one I know contracts it. She hasnt been able to talk or move for about 2 years and stopped walking 5 years ago. I couldn't help but to be overtaken by sadness and the sight of such a dilapidated state this women was being allowed to live in. Doctors haven't been able to cure her so basically she was there to live out the rest of her life on that living room floor.
After waking up the next morning I was confronted by my mom and told that her mother had died literally 5 minutes before I woke up... again.... timing. I knew from that moment that the next week was going to be hectic and busy, as Cambodians focus alot of time and energy into these types of occasions. I could already hear the funeral music and it can only be described as a cluster f#%@ of different sounds and screeching. I have been told it is to scare away the ghosts and I can see how that would be affective. It starts at 5 in the morning every other day and doesn't stop till 10 or 11 at night. Funerals are a week long in Cambodia so I definitely hear that sound alot. They attach huge speakers to the top of coconut trees so everyone can hear it. Anyways... that morning I made my way over to my grandparents house were they had already erected the usual colorful tent with white and black drapes. I waited around downstairs with the family, but I was definitely nervous at taking part in something like this. I am not really apart of their family so I didn't want to intrude, but they were very receptive to me being there and were very appreciative of my presence. Finally a line of monks arrived and chanted their way upstairs to the living room. I made my way up there eventually and there was the grandmother lying on the floor just as she had the night before. One thing that took me by suprise, over a dead body laying on the floor, was the crying that was occurring. This country is very secretive over their emotions and do not let tears go in the open. They dont show love, affection, happiness, or sadness often so when I saw my aunts and uncles tearing up over their mother I was taken aback. We sat there for about 2 hours, chanted, bowed, and prayed to buddha that her soul be reincarnated. Incents filled the room and the smoke made my eyes tear. Mini shrines were erected all over the house and fruit lay at the bottom of each of them. Eventually, after lounging around for a while after, they brought the coffin and it was time to put her in. They lifted her up, placed her gently within, and started to tuck her in with blankets and bamboo mats. They were softly crying while doing this and it was the closest I came to crying during the whole ceremony.
The next day it was time for the funeral procession to the wat. They brought her down and placed her in the middle of the yard where monks started chanting again. It was the last time she would be home and I couldn't help but be overcome with emotion. I had to constantly say to myself, I am here, in the middle of the cambodian jungle, attending a funeral so rich in tradition and culture. Eventually we loaded her onto this funeral truck which was ornately decorated with dragons and buddhist symbols. It was the truck that all the dead are driven around in and it definitely showed its years. We had to push it up hills and out of ditches many times and the creaks eminating from its internal machinery made me not even want to stand behind it. But nonetheless we walked in a crowded procession in front and behind the truck. The immediate family walks in the front while the friends and further family walked behind. Behind us walkers were the moto's that puttered along slowly with thick black smoke pouring out their tail pipes. The walk to the wat was unlike anything I have ever experienced. Whenever I walk around the village I am greeted by throngs of kids screaming HELLO, WHATS YOUR NAME, WHERE YOU GO! It can be a tad obnoxious at times cause mostly they have no idea what it means.. they just want to catch the attention of the white giant. But while walking around the village in this procession, nobody screamed hello and simply stared at me and the procession. People stopped what they were doing, ran to their doors and watched us slowly make our way to the pagoda. It was the first time where I noticed cambodians being considerate of others and it put a smile on face. We finally buried her in a stoopa at the wat, unlike most who are cremated. The entire process was unbelievable and I couldn't believe I was apart of it. My family really took me in and I never felt out of place the entire time. The next week was more music and socializing and on the 7th day after her death they had another large gathering. While the music was deafening and I could barely hear myself think, it changed from annoying to understandable. I guess being apart of it and seeing the music actually has meaning to these people made me realize its not so bad and I kind of think it makes Cambodia that much more khmer when I hear it. The whole experience is something I will treasure for a lifetime and I am forever grateful for being allowed to take part in it.
An activity I have really taken a liking to since coming here is biking. I used to only like having a bike here cause it protected me somewhat from the dogs, but me and a friend have struck up a common interest and take full advantage of having huge rolling plains to bike on. I have racked up several hundred miles already and the ticker is still going. There is nothing like biking in between rice fields that go on for as far as the eye can see and riding through very remote villages few to no foreigners have made it out to. Last weekend I made it out to an island in the middle of the Mekong River that was accessible only by bamboo bridge. Getting there was awesome, but the ride around the island was breathtaking. I have seen my share of beautiful rice fields and Wats, but they never get old. I soak up the sights, sounds, and smells everytime and think to myself at how awesome this experience is. I like to think to myself I have seen the real Kampuchea and mostly because I chose to get my feet wet and bike all around this beautiful country.
Besides the bike rides I have been crazy busy with other things. I am trying to get health lessons going in the school system and have approached school directors about possibly teaching a health class or two. The ones I have talked to were not very pleasant individuals and are clearly very power hungry. Once people have power here they don't like to give it up and he seemed very wary of me, regardless of the fact that my site was a training site and 18 other peace corps volunteers already taught in the school. Anyways... he said he would have to check with the ministry of education so an answer is coming in a month or two I guess. The school system here teaches absolutely no health and if I can get in there and help a teacher teach health for a day then that could go far and wide. Teaching teachers is so much more affective cause they are the ones who will be here after I am gone. If I can get them to integrate health into their curriculum then that would make this whole thing much more worth while. We will see where that path leads.
I am also trying to get a village health volunteer training program started. I want to train kids to teach health so when I am gone, again, I will have someone who is following through with my work. I have been going to schools every night at 5pm and meeting with kids to get my face out there and get them over that initial fear and apprehension most have when meeting a foreigner like me. I have struck up many relationships and many kids all over the village know me. Now I am starting to advertise this program I am trying to get started and I am selling it as a great opportunity to learn English and practice with a true English speaking native. Kids want to learn English, not health, but if I can get them into it with the prospects of invaluable practice and a certificate in the end then maybe some will continue to teach health to others. I also need someone to help me translate khmer cause I am definitely not at the level I need to be to go out and do things on my own. Not only would these kids be able to help me talk to people about hand washing, diarrhea prevention, cold prevention, but they would be learning about health and how to teach it. I start interviews next week so lets hope things really get going soon. For now I am riding around the villages trying to map out the different areas of need. Once that is done I will be able to go out there with the kids and talk health with some villagers. I am making some illustrations so I have posters to work with when I go out there... I guess these artistic skills will finally come into use!
The last major project I have been trying to implement is a number system at the health center. There are many other things wrong with the way the health center is run, but for now I am focusing on organizing the throngs of people that come in through that door every morning. As of now, they come in and crowd around the consultation desk and push and shove until they are seen be the doctor. The doctor who is prescribing drugs is surrounded by patients and there is simply no order to handing out prescriptions. People could be waiting for over an hour when someone who is in a rush barges to the front and gets his or her prescription. Its the same for the anti-natal care room and vaccination room. Its unfair and things are going to change. I have been creating cards for people to pick up at the entrance when they come in and posters that describe what they are to do. I would hand them out myself, but again I need it to last once I am not here so hopefully everyone is on board when I finally start it up. I'm thinking by the end of two years the doctors will actually call out the next number and patients are used to picking up their numbers when they walk it. Also... having a number system will eliminate their fear of loosing their place in line and allow me to pull them aside for a moment or two and talk health with them. Currently they are in too much of a rush to get to the doctor cause they don't want others to get in front of them so they pay no attention to me, other than the kids that scream at the sight of my white foreign face.
Life is good in Cambodia and Christmas is in the air... well... in my room it is. I have always been one to cherish the holidays and being here has been rather hard to endure while all my family and friends are at home enjoying the hot chocolate and pumpkin pie. I have nasty well water that smells like a sewer and yes... lots of rice so needless to say I miss home right about now. I have been expecting this so I am prepared for a tough couple of days ahead of me. I just got a load of girl scout cookies from Lori, Randy, Kyle, Chris, and Zac and I want give a LARGE THANK YOU!!!! I now have something to chow down on while I spend my christmas in the 90 degree heat in Cambodia. I can't begin to say how much I appreciate you all for those notes and cookies... really makes my day! And that goes for everyone who sends me packages. The little things just really brighten my day and when I get package from America I can't help but smile. Love you all and hope all is going well in America! Merry Christmas everyone and I hope your holidays are full of awesomeness!
So thats my current aggravation. Don't mean to give off an impression that I don't love every minute of life here cause I do! Over the past month I have become extremely integrated into my family, friends, and co-workers. A little after my last blog my grandmother died and the events that were to follow will be with me forever. That was the first time I really felt absolutely part of the family and accepted as one of them. the night before her death my mom thought it would be nice for me to go visit her mom and I don't know how the timing happened the way it did, but thankfully I got to meet her while she was alive. We traveled to my grandparent's house and it was tucked away in the slaw trees that cover my village. It had an expansive backyard and an impressive front structure. The trees around their house were just a tad bit taller than the ones surrounding my house and I immediately got an impression that this house has a long history that includes my mother and her 11 siblings. When I walked in the house the grandmother was laying there in the middle of the living room floor, covered in a blanket up to her curled up hands, with nothing more to her than skin and bone. Her breaths were very labored and she could do nothing but stare up at the ceiling while using every ounce of her strength to breath air into her frail lungs. I asked what was wrong with her and apparently she had old lady disease... not sure what that is but I hope no one I know contracts it. She hasnt been able to talk or move for about 2 years and stopped walking 5 years ago. I couldn't help but to be overtaken by sadness and the sight of such a dilapidated state this women was being allowed to live in. Doctors haven't been able to cure her so basically she was there to live out the rest of her life on that living room floor.
After waking up the next morning I was confronted by my mom and told that her mother had died literally 5 minutes before I woke up... again.... timing. I knew from that moment that the next week was going to be hectic and busy, as Cambodians focus alot of time and energy into these types of occasions. I could already hear the funeral music and it can only be described as a cluster f#%@ of different sounds and screeching. I have been told it is to scare away the ghosts and I can see how that would be affective. It starts at 5 in the morning every other day and doesn't stop till 10 or 11 at night. Funerals are a week long in Cambodia so I definitely hear that sound alot. They attach huge speakers to the top of coconut trees so everyone can hear it. Anyways... that morning I made my way over to my grandparents house were they had already erected the usual colorful tent with white and black drapes. I waited around downstairs with the family, but I was definitely nervous at taking part in something like this. I am not really apart of their family so I didn't want to intrude, but they were very receptive to me being there and were very appreciative of my presence. Finally a line of monks arrived and chanted their way upstairs to the living room. I made my way up there eventually and there was the grandmother lying on the floor just as she had the night before. One thing that took me by suprise, over a dead body laying on the floor, was the crying that was occurring. This country is very secretive over their emotions and do not let tears go in the open. They dont show love, affection, happiness, or sadness often so when I saw my aunts and uncles tearing up over their mother I was taken aback. We sat there for about 2 hours, chanted, bowed, and prayed to buddha that her soul be reincarnated. Incents filled the room and the smoke made my eyes tear. Mini shrines were erected all over the house and fruit lay at the bottom of each of them. Eventually, after lounging around for a while after, they brought the coffin and it was time to put her in. They lifted her up, placed her gently within, and started to tuck her in with blankets and bamboo mats. They were softly crying while doing this and it was the closest I came to crying during the whole ceremony.
The next day it was time for the funeral procession to the wat. They brought her down and placed her in the middle of the yard where monks started chanting again. It was the last time she would be home and I couldn't help but be overcome with emotion. I had to constantly say to myself, I am here, in the middle of the cambodian jungle, attending a funeral so rich in tradition and culture. Eventually we loaded her onto this funeral truck which was ornately decorated with dragons and buddhist symbols. It was the truck that all the dead are driven around in and it definitely showed its years. We had to push it up hills and out of ditches many times and the creaks eminating from its internal machinery made me not even want to stand behind it. But nonetheless we walked in a crowded procession in front and behind the truck. The immediate family walks in the front while the friends and further family walked behind. Behind us walkers were the moto's that puttered along slowly with thick black smoke pouring out their tail pipes. The walk to the wat was unlike anything I have ever experienced. Whenever I walk around the village I am greeted by throngs of kids screaming HELLO, WHATS YOUR NAME, WHERE YOU GO! It can be a tad obnoxious at times cause mostly they have no idea what it means.. they just want to catch the attention of the white giant. But while walking around the village in this procession, nobody screamed hello and simply stared at me and the procession. People stopped what they were doing, ran to their doors and watched us slowly make our way to the pagoda. It was the first time where I noticed cambodians being considerate of others and it put a smile on face. We finally buried her in a stoopa at the wat, unlike most who are cremated. The entire process was unbelievable and I couldn't believe I was apart of it. My family really took me in and I never felt out of place the entire time. The next week was more music and socializing and on the 7th day after her death they had another large gathering. While the music was deafening and I could barely hear myself think, it changed from annoying to understandable. I guess being apart of it and seeing the music actually has meaning to these people made me realize its not so bad and I kind of think it makes Cambodia that much more khmer when I hear it. The whole experience is something I will treasure for a lifetime and I am forever grateful for being allowed to take part in it.
An activity I have really taken a liking to since coming here is biking. I used to only like having a bike here cause it protected me somewhat from the dogs, but me and a friend have struck up a common interest and take full advantage of having huge rolling plains to bike on. I have racked up several hundred miles already and the ticker is still going. There is nothing like biking in between rice fields that go on for as far as the eye can see and riding through very remote villages few to no foreigners have made it out to. Last weekend I made it out to an island in the middle of the Mekong River that was accessible only by bamboo bridge. Getting there was awesome, but the ride around the island was breathtaking. I have seen my share of beautiful rice fields and Wats, but they never get old. I soak up the sights, sounds, and smells everytime and think to myself at how awesome this experience is. I like to think to myself I have seen the real Kampuchea and mostly because I chose to get my feet wet and bike all around this beautiful country.
Besides the bike rides I have been crazy busy with other things. I am trying to get health lessons going in the school system and have approached school directors about possibly teaching a health class or two. The ones I have talked to were not very pleasant individuals and are clearly very power hungry. Once people have power here they don't like to give it up and he seemed very wary of me, regardless of the fact that my site was a training site and 18 other peace corps volunteers already taught in the school. Anyways... he said he would have to check with the ministry of education so an answer is coming in a month or two I guess. The school system here teaches absolutely no health and if I can get in there and help a teacher teach health for a day then that could go far and wide. Teaching teachers is so much more affective cause they are the ones who will be here after I am gone. If I can get them to integrate health into their curriculum then that would make this whole thing much more worth while. We will see where that path leads.
I am also trying to get a village health volunteer training program started. I want to train kids to teach health so when I am gone, again, I will have someone who is following through with my work. I have been going to schools every night at 5pm and meeting with kids to get my face out there and get them over that initial fear and apprehension most have when meeting a foreigner like me. I have struck up many relationships and many kids all over the village know me. Now I am starting to advertise this program I am trying to get started and I am selling it as a great opportunity to learn English and practice with a true English speaking native. Kids want to learn English, not health, but if I can get them into it with the prospects of invaluable practice and a certificate in the end then maybe some will continue to teach health to others. I also need someone to help me translate khmer cause I am definitely not at the level I need to be to go out and do things on my own. Not only would these kids be able to help me talk to people about hand washing, diarrhea prevention, cold prevention, but they would be learning about health and how to teach it. I start interviews next week so lets hope things really get going soon. For now I am riding around the villages trying to map out the different areas of need. Once that is done I will be able to go out there with the kids and talk health with some villagers. I am making some illustrations so I have posters to work with when I go out there... I guess these artistic skills will finally come into use!
The last major project I have been trying to implement is a number system at the health center. There are many other things wrong with the way the health center is run, but for now I am focusing on organizing the throngs of people that come in through that door every morning. As of now, they come in and crowd around the consultation desk and push and shove until they are seen be the doctor. The doctor who is prescribing drugs is surrounded by patients and there is simply no order to handing out prescriptions. People could be waiting for over an hour when someone who is in a rush barges to the front and gets his or her prescription. Its the same for the anti-natal care room and vaccination room. Its unfair and things are going to change. I have been creating cards for people to pick up at the entrance when they come in and posters that describe what they are to do. I would hand them out myself, but again I need it to last once I am not here so hopefully everyone is on board when I finally start it up. I'm thinking by the end of two years the doctors will actually call out the next number and patients are used to picking up their numbers when they walk it. Also... having a number system will eliminate their fear of loosing their place in line and allow me to pull them aside for a moment or two and talk health with them. Currently they are in too much of a rush to get to the doctor cause they don't want others to get in front of them so they pay no attention to me, other than the kids that scream at the sight of my white foreign face.
Life is good in Cambodia and Christmas is in the air... well... in my room it is. I have always been one to cherish the holidays and being here has been rather hard to endure while all my family and friends are at home enjoying the hot chocolate and pumpkin pie. I have nasty well water that smells like a sewer and yes... lots of rice so needless to say I miss home right about now. I have been expecting this so I am prepared for a tough couple of days ahead of me. I just got a load of girl scout cookies from Lori, Randy, Kyle, Chris, and Zac and I want give a LARGE THANK YOU!!!! I now have something to chow down on while I spend my christmas in the 90 degree heat in Cambodia. I can't begin to say how much I appreciate you all for those notes and cookies... really makes my day! And that goes for everyone who sends me packages. The little things just really brighten my day and when I get package from America I can't help but smile. Love you all and hope all is going well in America! Merry Christmas everyone and I hope your holidays are full of awesomeness!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
About Face...
Had such an awesome Thanksgiving with some pretty amazing peace corps volunteers. The whole lot of them are great people to be around and the holiday couldn't have been better spent! Thanksgiving thursday was spent in our provincial town and those of us from the province that were around managed to scramble up some American food like cheesy brocolli rice, garlic butter mashed potatoes, and bread pudding. We stuffed ourselves and conversed afterwards... which included the story of Thanksgiving for the several Khmer people in the room. The night was a blast and the next day we had the pleasure of riding on a 7 hour bus to Cambodia's second largest city. After arriving, all the volunteers convened in a large hall and ate one of the most delicious Thanksgiving dinner I have eaten in my 22 years of life. Whether or not it was because I have been eating rice and beef for the past 4 months, the turkey was seasoned to perfection, mashed potatoes seemed to come from a restaurant in the States, and the deserts were taste bud numbing. My stomach was smiling just as much as my lips were and for the first time in a while I was so full I could barely breath. The dinner was full of conversation and catching up, and I have to admit.. I missed everyone!
The dinner was followed by one of the most comfortable nights I have had in Cambodia, with my soft and comfy bed and air conditioner turned on blast. The next couple days were filled with meetings on how we are all progressing as peace corps volunteers and it was good to hear everyone's suggestions on how to get things rolling. I had a blast talking with friends and staff, and the nights out on the town became the icing on the cake. The last night was a little hazy... i'll just leave it at that haha. The bus ride home was a tad scary due to the accident that happened half way home (i was not involved in it). We passed two cars, one which was crashed severely on the front and side, and the other which was split in half and mangled into very small pieces of horror. A tarp covered the section that was supposedly the drivers seat... and the reality sunk in that these roads are extremely dangerous. Drivers simply do not look before they enter onto a roadway, and when combined with selfish and oblivious drivers that speed dangerously fast makes a good recipe for tragic accidents.
Besides that downer, I whole heartedly enjoyed my time with around 50 other friends and was ready to hit the village streets and start working. I don't know what flipped the switch but my level of motivation and happiness increased ten fold. When people say hi to me or stare at me... I don't get annoyed or feel singled out. Instead I am starting to stop and talk to people and make an effort to get to know the people of my community. I ride around with a smile and now I am the one saying HELLO and SUSADYE! In the health center I got out from behind the table I set up in the lobby with all my health materials displayed on it and am actively talking to people about their health. I don't know a whole lot of Khmer yet when it comes to health terms, but I am definitely on my way. Things are just becoming so much easier, from my village, to my work environment, and even to my home! I have so many ideas on projects to work on, kids to teach, and areas to focus on. I want to try and start teaching kids about health in the local school and tomorrow I am meeting with the school director to see where I can go with that. Friday I may meet with the village chief and discuss ways about conducting a household survey of the community on sanitation and nutrition. I am in the process of mapping out my community and during my hours at the health center I am going to start showing videos on health care topics peace corps recently gave out. I have a bunch of ideas going on in my head and now it is time to make them become a reality. They are nothing groundbreaking, but they are a chance for me to get my feet wet and start doing what I came here for.
Times are going to start getting rather busy and to be truthful I think I am ready for it. Before the IST I was wanting to do more, but content with my daily routine of being somewhat lazy. Now I am ready to get out there and my motivation is skyrocketing me towards accomplishing goals. Maybe I need more weekends like that last one... hmmm.
The dinner was followed by one of the most comfortable nights I have had in Cambodia, with my soft and comfy bed and air conditioner turned on blast. The next couple days were filled with meetings on how we are all progressing as peace corps volunteers and it was good to hear everyone's suggestions on how to get things rolling. I had a blast talking with friends and staff, and the nights out on the town became the icing on the cake. The last night was a little hazy... i'll just leave it at that haha. The bus ride home was a tad scary due to the accident that happened half way home (i was not involved in it). We passed two cars, one which was crashed severely on the front and side, and the other which was split in half and mangled into very small pieces of horror. A tarp covered the section that was supposedly the drivers seat... and the reality sunk in that these roads are extremely dangerous. Drivers simply do not look before they enter onto a roadway, and when combined with selfish and oblivious drivers that speed dangerously fast makes a good recipe for tragic accidents.
Besides that downer, I whole heartedly enjoyed my time with around 50 other friends and was ready to hit the village streets and start working. I don't know what flipped the switch but my level of motivation and happiness increased ten fold. When people say hi to me or stare at me... I don't get annoyed or feel singled out. Instead I am starting to stop and talk to people and make an effort to get to know the people of my community. I ride around with a smile and now I am the one saying HELLO and SUSADYE! In the health center I got out from behind the table I set up in the lobby with all my health materials displayed on it and am actively talking to people about their health. I don't know a whole lot of Khmer yet when it comes to health terms, but I am definitely on my way. Things are just becoming so much easier, from my village, to my work environment, and even to my home! I have so many ideas on projects to work on, kids to teach, and areas to focus on. I want to try and start teaching kids about health in the local school and tomorrow I am meeting with the school director to see where I can go with that. Friday I may meet with the village chief and discuss ways about conducting a household survey of the community on sanitation and nutrition. I am in the process of mapping out my community and during my hours at the health center I am going to start showing videos on health care topics peace corps recently gave out. I have a bunch of ideas going on in my head and now it is time to make them become a reality. They are nothing groundbreaking, but they are a chance for me to get my feet wet and start doing what I came here for.
Times are going to start getting rather busy and to be truthful I think I am ready for it. Before the IST I was wanting to do more, but content with my daily routine of being somewhat lazy. Now I am ready to get out there and my motivation is skyrocketing me towards accomplishing goals. Maybe I need more weekends like that last one... hmmm.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
continuation of the tragedy
So another day has passed and I find myself contemplating how similar AND different this culture deals with tragedy when compared to the United States. I first noticed the somber mood of everybody and the traditions that arise during times of nation wide sorrow, but on an individual basis I am seeing how awkward the subject is to talk about. The stampede that took place was without a doubt a horrible thing that people are clearly disturbed from, but certain reactions elicited are starting to surprise me.
When conversing with another Khmer about the stampede they will many times start smiling or laughing at certain things one should not laugh at. When I was discussing 9/11 with my tutor he would giggle when describing planes crashing into buildings and thousands of people dying. Yesterday when my family was discussing the stampede they were taunting ans laughing at me when I was acting so serious. They kept on asking me if I wanted to go see it and would always start snickering. The gravity of such a major event is completely sucked out of the room and they seem to either be oblivious to the enormity of it or simply laugh it off cause they don't know how to express deep sorrow and sadness. Throughout my time here... I am leaning towards the latter.
When people talk about anything serious they will talk with a sense of humor and immaturely giggle. It doesn't feel like they are doing this to make the situation lighter, but it truly seems they don't know how to properly express that human emotion. It is almost awkward because it is almost always something I would never laugh at and there way of bridging our differences in reactions. When I ask them something they don't know, they almost always will giggle like a child instead of expressing their true emotions and thoughts. Giggling and ignoring the serious of a situation is how this culture copes with stress and turmoil, and it is something I definitely cannot comprehend. The people of Cambodia know something horrific happened and they are doing things similar to America when it comes to donating money to disaster relief funds, holding ceremonies to honor the dead, and even changing their facebook profile pics to some honorable image the day they will seemingly never forget. But in essence they are very different on a person to person basis when it comes to personal conversation about the stampede. I guess this is just another difference I will write off as a cultural "thing".
When conversing with another Khmer about the stampede they will many times start smiling or laughing at certain things one should not laugh at. When I was discussing 9/11 with my tutor he would giggle when describing planes crashing into buildings and thousands of people dying. Yesterday when my family was discussing the stampede they were taunting ans laughing at me when I was acting so serious. They kept on asking me if I wanted to go see it and would always start snickering. The gravity of such a major event is completely sucked out of the room and they seem to either be oblivious to the enormity of it or simply laugh it off cause they don't know how to express deep sorrow and sadness. Throughout my time here... I am leaning towards the latter.
When people talk about anything serious they will talk with a sense of humor and immaturely giggle. It doesn't feel like they are doing this to make the situation lighter, but it truly seems they don't know how to properly express that human emotion. It is almost awkward because it is almost always something I would never laugh at and there way of bridging our differences in reactions. When I ask them something they don't know, they almost always will giggle like a child instead of expressing their true emotions and thoughts. Giggling and ignoring the serious of a situation is how this culture copes with stress and turmoil, and it is something I definitely cannot comprehend. The people of Cambodia know something horrific happened and they are doing things similar to America when it comes to donating money to disaster relief funds, holding ceremonies to honor the dead, and even changing their facebook profile pics to some honorable image the day they will seemingly never forget. But in essence they are very different on a person to person basis when it comes to personal conversation about the stampede. I guess this is just another difference I will write off as a cultural "thing".
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
tragedy: from one nation to another
I can all too well remember the morning of 9/11, waking to the horrors unfolding on the television that sunny tuesday afternoon. There's nothing that can prepare you for such a tragedy and they come at the most unexpected of times. Seeing a nation cope with loss and sadness is something we all have witnessed time and time again. Unfortunately our generation is used to tragic events in the news and how we as a nation have responded to these times of sorrow never fails to bring out emotions in me and others that don't normally arise during day to day life. After 9/11 our nation was frozen with fear and sadness, but united in determination and patriotism. People came together to mourn for the dead as we typically do in the states, had candlelight vigils after candlelight vigils, and sang patriotic songs. We reflect on the events that transpired and the lives of those that were lost until there are no more tears to cry. Coming to Cambodia the thought never crossed my mind that I would see something like this unfold in the Khmer people. Last night, a tragedy struck the country of Cambodia and I have had the opportunity to see a culture so foreign to mine react just as we do in America, with their own unique twists thrown in here and there.
Last night at around 10pm there was a concert letting out across the river in phnom penh due to the end of the 3 day Khmer Water Festival. Its a time where people celebrate the end of the monsoon season and the mood in Cambodia is one of delight and happiness. As people were enjoying the festive mood they started traveling in hords across this narrow bridge when the opposing hord of people going across in the opposite direction met in the center and caused a mass of people with nowhere to go. Those in the center fainted causing a panic which was further escalated by the bridge apparently swaying and police using measures to force people to move. The crowd went crazy and people started stampeding in an effort to clear the bridge. With nowhere to go they climbed over others, trampling those under their feet to death, jumped in the river even though most in this country do not know how to swim, and grabbed electrical wiring strung all over the bridge which led to many being electrocuted to death. A wall of people formed anywhere from 5-7 feet high, laying on top of each other more tightly packed than a can of sardines. The images are absolutely horrible and in the end 376 people lost their lives, injuring many many more.
The thing about Cambodia is that most families have someone living in the city. The country itself is no bigger than the state of South Dakota so it is relatively small in size. Most have sons or daughters that study in the city and/or brothers or sisters who went to the city for a better life. So when something like this happens, everyone in the country feels affected and saddened by such a tragic event. My family knew around 2am last night, with many other pcv's telling me the same. By morning the whole country knew of this horrible loss of life and Cambodia stopped for a day as it did in America that tuesday morning in 2001. My health center canceled work to my dismay, and people crowded around their television sets. I managed to find a food stall with a group of people sitting in front of a television watching the news and the images displayed were unbelievable. There's no censorship here so they felt it was appropriate to show rooms and rooms of dead people sprawled out on the floor. These people who were enjoying a concert not 5 minutes before being trampled to death or electrocuted were laying there in their phnom penh style clothes motionless with grieving family members crying hysterically over them. I could only stand so much of that sadness that I left after a while, but the images are very haunting and continue to plague my mind.
The rest of the day was devoted to talking about what had transpired. Me and my family would discuss how lucky we are my brother was not there, how many people died, where they came from, ect... The day was eery; people gave off this impression that something bad has just happened and there was a certain subdued nature in the way Cambodians ran life in the village today. At night, people created buddhist shrines in front of there houses and as the sun set, each hut had a shrine devoted to the dead of the night before. At around 7pm everyone came outside to beat on drums for about 25 minutes and from what I gather it was to scare away the ghosts that would surely be roaming the streets. Neighbors gathered to discuss the tragedy, conversing around their shrines. I stood on my porch watching the candle lights flicker through the palm trees, absorbing the quietness this night in particular presented.
As they do in America, people in Cambodia mourn for the dead by coming together and uniting as one. Families, Neighbors, and entire communities are brought together by the unimaginable. People gather around televisions to watch over and over replays of something they wish would have never happened in the first place. Vigils are dedicated to the lives lost and people find solace in their offerings. As interesting as it is to see a nation cope with a tragic loss, I cannot help but feel sad as I would anything other time that many families are having to deal with the unimaginable loss of a loved one over such a senseless event. No matter where you are in the world, tragedies happen and the people who are affected react in a way that is unique not to their culture or country of residence, but to their origins as human beings that have undergone a tragic event.
Last night at around 10pm there was a concert letting out across the river in phnom penh due to the end of the 3 day Khmer Water Festival. Its a time where people celebrate the end of the monsoon season and the mood in Cambodia is one of delight and happiness. As people were enjoying the festive mood they started traveling in hords across this narrow bridge when the opposing hord of people going across in the opposite direction met in the center and caused a mass of people with nowhere to go. Those in the center fainted causing a panic which was further escalated by the bridge apparently swaying and police using measures to force people to move. The crowd went crazy and people started stampeding in an effort to clear the bridge. With nowhere to go they climbed over others, trampling those under their feet to death, jumped in the river even though most in this country do not know how to swim, and grabbed electrical wiring strung all over the bridge which led to many being electrocuted to death. A wall of people formed anywhere from 5-7 feet high, laying on top of each other more tightly packed than a can of sardines. The images are absolutely horrible and in the end 376 people lost their lives, injuring many many more.
The thing about Cambodia is that most families have someone living in the city. The country itself is no bigger than the state of South Dakota so it is relatively small in size. Most have sons or daughters that study in the city and/or brothers or sisters who went to the city for a better life. So when something like this happens, everyone in the country feels affected and saddened by such a tragic event. My family knew around 2am last night, with many other pcv's telling me the same. By morning the whole country knew of this horrible loss of life and Cambodia stopped for a day as it did in America that tuesday morning in 2001. My health center canceled work to my dismay, and people crowded around their television sets. I managed to find a food stall with a group of people sitting in front of a television watching the news and the images displayed were unbelievable. There's no censorship here so they felt it was appropriate to show rooms and rooms of dead people sprawled out on the floor. These people who were enjoying a concert not 5 minutes before being trampled to death or electrocuted were laying there in their phnom penh style clothes motionless with grieving family members crying hysterically over them. I could only stand so much of that sadness that I left after a while, but the images are very haunting and continue to plague my mind.
The rest of the day was devoted to talking about what had transpired. Me and my family would discuss how lucky we are my brother was not there, how many people died, where they came from, ect... The day was eery; people gave off this impression that something bad has just happened and there was a certain subdued nature in the way Cambodians ran life in the village today. At night, people created buddhist shrines in front of there houses and as the sun set, each hut had a shrine devoted to the dead of the night before. At around 7pm everyone came outside to beat on drums for about 25 minutes and from what I gather it was to scare away the ghosts that would surely be roaming the streets. Neighbors gathered to discuss the tragedy, conversing around their shrines. I stood on my porch watching the candle lights flicker through the palm trees, absorbing the quietness this night in particular presented.
As they do in America, people in Cambodia mourn for the dead by coming together and uniting as one. Families, Neighbors, and entire communities are brought together by the unimaginable. People gather around televisions to watch over and over replays of something they wish would have never happened in the first place. Vigils are dedicated to the lives lost and people find solace in their offerings. As interesting as it is to see a nation cope with a tragic loss, I cannot help but feel sad as I would anything other time that many families are having to deal with the unimaginable loss of a loved one over such a senseless event. No matter where you are in the world, tragedies happen and the people who are affected react in a way that is unique not to their culture or country of residence, but to their origins as human beings that have undergone a tragic event.
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