Monday, January 31, 2011

Life is Short

So after Cambodia decided to block this website for a while, I'm back on and ready to post more blogs about my sweet adventures in the bode!

I was going to talk about whats happened in the past month, since this country never fails to provide a surprise around every corner, but the events of today are the only thing in my head at the moment and I need to let it out before going into detail about anything else.

The morning was crazy... we had over 100 patients in about 2 hours at the health center and I could do nothing other than man the number station I have set up, handing out numbers to either vaccination, pregnancy checkups, or consultation. I was exhausted after my 3 hours of work and headed home to a wonderful lunch of fish soup in fish sauce... which was very "fishy" in many ways. After lunch one of my friends from the village informed me of an accident outside her house so I hopped on my bike to see what all the commotion was about. I arrived at one of the most horrible sites I have ever seen up close. A rubber plantation truck collided head on with a van, killing the passengers of the van. There was barely anything left of the van... and it was mangled in ways metal should not be. This accident happened in literally the center of my village on the national highway and hordes of people were gathered around the scene, vying for a spot up front to see the carnage first hand. I was curious for some reason to see the front of the car, that being said, I was under the impression the people had been taking out of what was left of the front of the van. Apparently the driver had been removed and taking away, but as I was moving up front they pried off the passenger side door and yep, the passenger fell out. I couldn't immediately see what it was, but as the crowd parted for a moment I saw what became of that passenger and that sight is something I hope to never see unless in a hospital.

I wont go into details about what the person looked like, but regardless of how mangled he was, what struck me the most was how people were reacting. The entire village was crammed just feet away from this body and they were all gawking at it like an art exhibit. Since it happened right outside the wat, the monks were even staring at it. The fumes from the spilled fuel, the blood everywhere, the person lying on the ground with parts missing, and the scene of tangles metal all were too much for me to handle so I took off on my bike, ignoring my parents who were also gawking at it, and made it home before I broke down.

In America, most people would prefer not to see such things and are simply terrified at the prospect of looking at a dead body. I have seen many pictures of dead people, have been to funerals here and there, and have even ventured into the human dissection room of a medical school, but the scenes from today overwhelmed me alot to the point where I was questioning whether I could see things like that as an ER doctor. Cambodians however seem to be missing that part in their brain where such things are just wrong to gawk at. This is a very intrusive country like I have said countless times, and they will never willingly miss out on a chance to see something different from daily life, whether it is a person moving into a house in town, painting of lines on the road, or a fatal accident. They have to see see see and don't think that maybe its a tad disrespectful to the deceased to clamber over each other simply to stare at something that quite frankly shouldn't be stared at. When I was around the accident people were literally pushing to see the dead person on the ground. It was like a penn state football game when students used o push their way to the front of the line. I was at first disgusted at how people simply had no remorse or sadness for this young adult laying on the ground in such a sad state. I just can't put it into perspective how it simply has no effect on them other than to get as close as they can to the action. How is an entire society that immune to such a sight? How can they not feel/show sadness at the thought that their families are never going to be whole again, and each was leaving behind loved ones that now have to grieve over their loss? Then it occurred to me that these people have had such a rough life and seen things like this so frequently that they have become desensitized to tragedy and death. This society definitely deals with death much differently than the US. Instead of being afraid of the dead in human form, many are actually afraid of the ghosts that now roam the village until the funeral. People are much more terrified of the misty impressions humans supposedly leave on earth than by blood and mangled bodies. Again, it is something I just accept as a difference and will try to take it in stride from now on.

What became my second round of shock was due to the realization that that could all too easily have been me or any of my fellow peace corps volunteers. Roads are just plain scary around here and any day something like this could happen to a friend or host family member. I felt vulnerable and jumpy anytime a car passed me today. They barrel down the road, thinking that a honk of the horn allows them the privilege to speed on roads that should not be taken so care free. I don't think they ever consider the consequences that can possibly ensue from driving at those speeds on the opposite side of the road at times. The van today was passing another vehicle and just went right into the other lane without a care in the world and unfortunately a truck was barreling the opposite direction. Nobody... and I mean NOBODY thinks to use some common sense when driving on the roads.When I am riding my bike I have to always be looking far out in front of me because cars and trucks simply drive on the opposite side of the road. They will pass people on hills and around sharp corners, with not a care in the world as to what might be coming around the corner on the opposite side of the road. Buses are the worse because they know nothing is going to get in their way so instead of waiting for the road to straighten out while they pass a car, they jut out into the opposite lane and make cars coming in the opposite direction veer off the road to make way for the large bus speeding towards them. I am terrified to ever get in another vehicle after today and definitely don't plan on riding in a van anytime in the near future.

All this brings me to the title. Life is short. Theres no getting around that one. We are on this earth for the blink of an eye and if anything, the events of today have made me appreciate the fact that I was able to live another day in the face of so much..... shit. I always try to make the most of my days, and thats not to say I never give myself rest because I can be quite lazy in hot Cambodian afternoons. I do what I can do and live each day as though I have this amazing gift I have been blessed with. After seeing stuff like this it makes me much less likely to complain about things rather than cherish what I have. There is simply not enough time on this Earth to do everything I have in mind, but I'm going to try my hardest to do as much as I can with as much passion as I can muster. I just hope and pray that others out there read this and realize how awesome life is. It is not something to be taken lightly and given what we are given we almost have a responsibility to those who were not blessed to make as much out of it as we can.

So after having a pretty so so dinner and falling off my bike, it is time to say goodnight and hope that the sun shine tomorrow brings a much happier day to Cambodia. Peace.